Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14

Thread: Thursday Humour

  1. #1
    Senile Member sarel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    New Plymouth
    Posts
    1,797

    Default Thursday Humour

    COOL THINGS ABOUT BEING A MAN
    Yes, it's good to be a man......

    1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
    2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
    3. Your last name stays put.
    4. The garage is all yours.
    5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from
    getting laid.
    7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices
    your new haircut.
    9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
    10. Same work .. more pay.
    11. Wrinkles-add character.
    12. You don't have to leave the room to make
    emergency crotch adjustments.
    13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
    14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
    15. People never glance at your chest when you're
    talking to them.
    16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your
    feet.
    17. One mood, ALL the damn time.
    18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
    19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
    20. You can open all your own jars.
    21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of
    thoughtfulness.
    22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
    23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
    24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the
    passenger's seat.
    25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
    26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for
    hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
    27. No maxi-pads.
    28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same
    outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
    29. You are not expected to know the names of more
    than five colors.
    30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to
    turn a nut on a bolt.
    31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
    32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe
    decades.
    33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
    34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all
    seasons.
    35. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
    36. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25
    relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.
    37. The world is your urinal.

    TEN THINGS MEN KNOW FOR SURE ABOUT WOMEN.


    1.
    2.
    3.
    4.
    5.
    6.
    7.
    8.
    9.
    10. They have breasts.
    Fishing is not a matter of life or death, it's more serious than that.

  2. #2
    Unknown Device wratterus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Top of the South
    Posts
    12,338

    Default Re: Thursday Humour

    Nice one
    Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

  3. #3
    GettingThereSlowly never-u-mind's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Hamilton
    Posts
    202

    Default Re: Thursday Humour

    Ahahaah nice.

    30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to
    turn a nut on a bolt.
    Hmmm so it's not just me then, its all women. (phew)
    To be seen and not heard.

  4. #4
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    145

    Default Re: Thursday Humour

    Top 10 WORST web addresses -

    1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
    http://www.whorepresents.com

    2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
    http://www.expertsexchange.com

    3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
    http://www.penisland.net

    4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
    http://www.therapistfinder.com

    5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company…
    http://www.powergenitalia.com

    6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
    http://www.molestationnursery.com

    7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always
    http://www.ipanywhere.com

    8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
    http://www.cummingfirst.com

    9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
    http://www.speedofart.com

    10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
    http://www.gotahoe.com

  5. #5
    Minister of Guitar. rob_on_guitar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Distorted Bliss
    Posts
    5,819

    Default Re: Thursday Humour

    TEN THINGS MEN KNOW FOR SURE ABOUT WOMEN.


    1. 7pm weeknights is 'dont bother watching tv at this time' time
    2. They cry
    3. They nag
    4. They nag
    5. They cost alot
    6. They nag
    7. They nag
    8. They nag
    9. They nag
    10. They have breasts.

    couldnt resist
    Current band: Leave The Dead

  6. #6
    Unknown Device wratterus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Top of the South
    Posts
    12,338

    Default Re: Thursday Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by rob_on_guitar View Post
    TEN THINGS MEN KNOW FOR SURE ABOUT WOMEN.


    1. 7pm weeknights is 'dont bother watching tv at this time' time
    2. They cry
    3. They have breasts
    4. They nag
    5. They cost alot
    6. They nag
    7. They nag
    8. They have breasts
    9. They nag
    10. They have breasts.

    couldnt resist
    Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

  7. #7
    Senior Member pctek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    In the Wild West
    Posts
    24,212

    Default Re: Thursday Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by never-u-mind View Post
    Ahahaah nice.

    30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to
    turn a nut on a bolt.
    Hmmm so it's not just me then, its all women. (phew)
    Nope. Sorry.

    This is just generalisation rubbish.
    All Men can fix cars right? No.

    I know which way to turn a nut. I can even find the right tool to use depending what sort of nut it is.


    I own 3 pair of shoes. One pair I have owned for 27 years. None of them have heels.

    I rarely wear makeup.
    I do not believe smearing grease on your face prevents wrinkles.

    I didn't have a wedding dress. The wedding took 10 minutes in the registry office and then we went to a pub after.

    The garage contains my car. He gets the carport.

    My underwear was $15 for a 6 pack.

    Car mechanics tell me the truth or I take my business elsewhere.

    One of my best friends - a man - talks for hours on the phone.
    Husband always knows its him because I get comfy, make tea, get my smokes and settle down to say, uhuh, yeah, right, no, is it, every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the evening.

    He probably owns more shoes than me too.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    5,364

    Default Re: Thursday Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by pctek View Post
    One of my best friends - a man - talks for hours on the phone.
    Husband always knows its him because I get comfy, make tea, get my smokes and settle down to say, uhuh, yeah, right, no, is it, every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the evening.

    He probably owns more shoes than me too.
    Hmm... gay men are a bit like that. Is that how come you didn't marry him?

  9. #9
    morgenmuffel
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Putaruru
    Posts
    2,905

    Default Re: Thursday Humour

    Ummm a probably better not say anything here as i always have to carry a bottle with a screwtop lid with me whenever i do any Mechanical work so i know what way things unscrew

    Anyway here is my laugh of the day, those incredibly politically correct and subtle english people before a soccer match in Germany, singing a traditional english folksong in appreciation of their German hosts
    Morgenmuffel - This word needs to be a part of the english language, in fact you should use it in everyday conversation

  10. #10
    Insane Bozo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    ...inside a binary byte...
    Posts
    1,242

    Default Re: Thursday Humour

    You have probably already seen this, but it is fitting for this thread.

    First we stat that girls cost time and money.
    Girls = Time X Money

    We all know that time is money
    Time = Money

    Therefore:
    Girls = Money X Money = (Money)2

    Since money is the root of all evil:
    Money = Math.Sqrt(Evil)

    Therefore:
    Girls = (Math.Sqrt(Evil))2

    So we must conclude that:
    Girls = Evil
    Quote Originally Posted by Cicero View Post
    Thats a good idea,and everybody should be whipped if they disagree.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cicero View Post
    We like to live on the edge.

Similar Threads

  1. No Monday humour?
    By sarel in forum PC World Chat
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 07-06-2006, 07:39 AM
  2. Off Topic: humour
    By aNtzy in forum PressF1
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 28-04-2004, 12:19 AM
  3. A little humour from Microsoft
    By antmannz in forum PressF1
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 13-01-2004, 11:13 PM
  4. OT.A little Sunday humour.
    By Thomas in forum PressF1
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 25-08-2003, 08:49 PM
  5. a bit of humour
    By tones_malones in forum PressF1
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 07-12-2002, 12:16 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •