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  1. #1
    6146-B Billy T's Avatar
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    Talking Monday Laughs: More US jokes..............

    Bubba Had Shingles

    Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:

    Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

    Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

    A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

    An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." The doctor asked, "Where?"

    Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??"

    ***************************************

    The perceptive wisdom of George Carlin

    COWS Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that the government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country.

    Maybe we should give them all a cow.

    CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

    TEN COMMANDMENTS The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse?

    You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit adultery", and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of police, prosecutors, judges, and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!

    And last but not least...

    George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. "Boy, I felt a lot safer when she was behind bars! O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her ass off to jail."

    **************************************

    Put the "I" in FBI

    A night clerk for the Kansas City division of the FBI, frequently received calls for a local hospital that had a similar number. One night after answering the phone, "FBI," he heard a gasp on the other end of the line.

    Guessing what had happened, and trying to be helpful, The FBI agent said, "That's all right. You were calling the North Kansas City Hospital, weren't you?" Before he could give that number, there was another gasp and a woman stammered, "Boy! you people really do know everything!"

    Cheers

    Billy 8-{)
    Some days it's not even worth chewing through my restraints!

  2. #2
    morgenmuffel
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: More US jokes..............

    Hmmmmm well this site is a bit of a joke, set up by an aussie no doubt
    Morgenmuffel - This word needs to be a part of the english language, in fact you should use it in everyday conversation

  3. #3
    Computer Tech
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: More US jokes..............

    Quote Originally Posted by Nigel View Post
    Hmmmmm well this site is a bit of a joke, set up by an aussie no doubt
    Have you seen this then?

  4. #4
    Senior Member pctek's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: More US jokes..............

    Quote Originally Posted by CYaBro View Post
    Have you seen this then?
    Haha, in the video clip, note the guy armed with the bottle of mint sauce.

  5. #5
    IT Consultant johcar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: More US jokes..............

    Sort of qualifies under this thread...

    How to get sick leave

    Joe urgently needed a few days off from a company he worked for in New York but he knew the Boss would not allow him to take leave. Joe thought that maybe if he acted "CRAZY" then the Boss would tell him to take a few days off.

    So Joe hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

    His co-worker, (who's a Kiwi), asked him what he was doing.

    Joe told him that he was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think he was "CRAZY" and give him a few days off.

    A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" Joe replied he was a light bulb.

    He said, "You are clearly stressed out, go home and recuperate for a couple of days".

    Joe jumped down and walked out of the office.

    When Joe’s co-worker, (the Kiwi) followed him, the Boss said "...And where do you think you're going?"

    He said, "I'm going home too bro, I can't work in the dark."

    It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. -William G. McAdoo, lawyer and politician (1863-1941)

  6. #6
    Old fella smithie 38's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: More US jokes..............

    Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

    One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident. I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

    One of the others said, "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident. I reattached them, and 2 years later he won an Olympic gold medal in gymnastics."

    The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's President of the United States."

  7. #7
    Awaiting Enlightenment R2x1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: More US jokes..............

    Technology

    After having dug to a depth of 1000 meters last year, Scottish
    scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years and came
    to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network
    more than 1000 years ago.

    Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, Australian
    scientist dug to a depth of 2000 meters and shortly after headlines in
    the Australian newspapers read:
    "Australian archaeologists have found traces of 2000 year copper wire and
    have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech
    communications network a thousand years earlier than the Scots."

    One week later, New Zealand newspapers reported the following:
    "After digging as deep as 5000 meters in West Auckland New Zealand, scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have therefore concluded that 5000 years ago New Zealand inhabitants were already using wireless technology."
    Entropy is not what
    it used to be.



  8. #8
    morgenmuffel
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: More US jokes..............

    Morgenmuffel - This word needs to be a part of the english language, in fact you should use it in everyday conversation

  9. #9
    Mixed Member
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: More US jokes..............

    Quote Originally Posted by CYaBro View Post
    Have you seen this then?
    Oh Yes!! That is brilliant, sending off the link to all my email fans now..............

  10. #10
    Minister of Guitar. rob_on_guitar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: More US jokes..............

    Quote Originally Posted by Billy T View Post

    CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

    TEN COMMANDMENTS The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse?

    You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit adultery", and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of police, prosecutors, judges, and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!



    Cheers

    Billy 8-{)
    Hahahahaha that is brilliant!

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