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  1. #1
    6146-B Billy T's Avatar
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    Talking Monday Laughs: ..............Waitangi Day cometh, time for a religious joke........

    No, this joke has absolutely nothing to do with Waitangi Day, but the annual brouhaha over flags, personalities and protocols etc bores me to tears so I avoid it religiously.


    A Catholic priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the same Canadian University and they would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people wasn't really all that hard, and a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

    One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

    Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.

    Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed me holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

    Reverend Billy Bob (no relation!) spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear, he wanted NOTHING to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTISED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

    They both looked down at the rabbi, who was wheeled in lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape and barely conscious.

    The rabbi looks up and whispers, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."


    Cheers

    Billy 8-{)
    Some days it's not even worth chewing through my restraints!

  2. #2
    FUUUUUUUU!!! MAC_H8ER's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: ..............Waitangi Day cometh, time for a religious joke......

    HAHA! Billy that joke made me spray juice all over my computer screen i laughed so hard
    "Your glass is empty O'Flaherty, will you be having another?"
    "And why would I be wanting two empty glasses?" replied O'Flaherty.

    PC Specs

  3. #3
    Where is Metla these days Chilling_Silence's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: ..............Waitangi Day cometh, time for a religious joke......

    hahaha Very good!
    I mostly do Bitcoin & DigiByte things these days, feel free to say hi on Twitter: https://twitter.com/dgb_chilling

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  4. #4
    Lets play Metla's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: ..............Waitangi Day cometh, time for a religious joke......

    Strangely enough I found the funniest part to be when they declared they would try and convert a bear each....
    better Dredd then dead

  5. #5
    Damn furballs! Shortcircuit's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: ..............Waitangi Day cometh, time for a religious joke......

    Quote Originally Posted by Metla View Post
    Strangely enough I found the funniest part to be when they declared they would try and convert a bear each....
    You obviously haven't tried converting to Judaism Metla
    The best buzz is a short, sharp shock

  6. #6
    Lets play Metla's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: ..............Waitangi Day cometh, time for a religious joke......

    True, I have lead a very sheltered life.....
    better Dredd then dead

  7. #7
    Senior Member pctek's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: ..............Waitangi Day cometh, time for a religious joke......

    Poor little Herbie. Since his birth, poor blind Herbie had never seen the light of day. One day at bedtime, his mother told him that the next day would be a very special one. If he prayed extra hard to Jesus, he'd be able to see when he woke up the next morning.

    Eagerly, Herbie crouched down on his knees beside his bed and put his hands together. For hours, he prayed and prayed to Jesus.

    The next morning Herbie's mother came into his room and gently woke him from his sleep.

    "Well Herbie, open your eyes and you'll know that Jesus answered your prayers."

    Little Herbie slowly opened his eyes, only to cry out, "Mother! Mother! I STILL CAN'T SEE!"

    "I know, dear," said his mother. "APRIL FOOL!"

    -------------------------------------------------------------------


    Why God never got a PhD
    -----------------------

    1. He had only one major publication.
    2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
    3. It has no references.
    4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
    5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
    6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
    then?
    7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
    8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
    9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
    10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
    subjects.
    11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
    the sample.
    12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
    13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
    14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
    15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
    failed his tests.
    16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

  8. #8
    Old fella smithie 38's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: ..............Waitangi Day cometh, time for a religious joke......

    A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

    The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

    The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

    To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich." The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

    A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

    The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

    The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"

    The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."

    The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes. Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats the s**t out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

  9. #9
    Long time RTS Gamer
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    Default Baghdad Weather Forecast

    Baghdad Weather Forecast

    Sunni in Places

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    You have no secrets on the internet.
    Be careful and vigilant. The internet should be considered like roads, avoiding an incident is better than trying to survive one.

  10. #10
    Long time RTS Gamer
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs: ..............Waitangi Day cometh, time for a religious joke......

    John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest
    of me life!, between the legs of me wife!"

    That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

    He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best
    toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your
    toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in
    church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary
    said.

    The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the
    street corner.

    The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
    night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he
    told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been
    there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other
    time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
    You have no secrets on the internet.
    Be careful and vigilant. The internet should be considered like roads, avoiding an incident is better than trying to survive one.

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