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  1. #1
    6146-B Billy T's Avatar
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    Talking Monday laughs: Husbands and Wives, Kiwi style.

    The Good Kiwi Wife


    Three newly married men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their wives duties:

    Bill had married a woman from Australia, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.


    James had married a woman from Croatia. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.


    The third man, Sonny, had married a New Zealand girl. He said that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.

    He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.


    Cheers

    Billy 8-{)
    Some days it's not even worth chewing through my restraints!

  2. #2
    Senior Member JJJJJ's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday laughs: Husbands and Wives, Kiwi style.

    That's cheered me up a bit Billy.
    Jack GOF.

  3. #3
    blank space
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    Default Re: Monday laughs: Husbands and Wives, Kiwi style.

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahbilly

    I'll tell that to all my smart chick uber femme friends I know

  4. #4
    Senior Member Nyuuji's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday laughs: Husbands and Wives, Kiwi style.

    If you want to upset some feminists, then here is a few.....

    Why dont they sent women to the moon?


    .........cause it dont need cleaning.

    How do you fix a womens watch?


    .......no need, there is a clock on the oven.

    And finally ....women will never be equal to men untill they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy. lol

    Now I'll just wait for the humour-bone missing femmys to flame me.....

    "Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it." - Mark Twain

  5. #5
    net senior ooh yeh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday laughs: Husbands and Wives, Kiwi style.

    Divorce

    Dear Husband:

    I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

    Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

    P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Australia together! Have a great life!

    Your EX-Wife

    Dear Ex-Wife,

    Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!"

    My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.

    So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

    P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

    Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

    The purpose of life is to fight maturity.

  6. #6
    perpetual newbie
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    Default Re: Monday laughs: Husbands and Wives, Kiwi style.

    Read your domain name before you register it.

    a database for agencies to the rich and
    famous:

    http://www.whorepresents.com

    Second is the Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can
    exchange advice and views:

    http://www.expertsexchange.com

    Looking for a pen? Look no further than "Pen Island":

    http://www.penisland.net

    Need a therapist? Try:

    http://www.therapistfinder.com

    We have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:

    http://www.molestationnursery.com

  7. #7
    Charlier Member
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    Default Re: Monday laughs: Husbands and Wives, Kiwi style.

    Why cant cant you have driving lessons and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
    It wears out the camel!

  8. #8
    Old fella smithie 38's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday laughs: Husbands and Wives, Kiwi style.

    The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking when in walks a cowboy who yells, "Who's white horse it that outside?"
    The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, "It's my horse. Why do you want to know?"
    The cowboy looks at him and says, "Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun and he don't look too good."
    The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion. The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water. He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to drink. It is then he notices that there isn't a breeze so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down. Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realizes there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey.
    After a bit a cowboy walks in and says, "Who's white horse is that outside?" Slowly the Lone Ranger turns around and says, "That is my horse, what is wrong with him now?" "Nothing," replies the cowboy, "I just wanted to let you know that you left your Injun running."

  9. #9
    Ahoy! Mr Wetzyl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday laughs: Husbands and Wives, Kiwi style.

    Quote Originally Posted by ooh yeh
    ......
    So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

    P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

    Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

    Now this is very good one! Had me cracking up big time!
    AMD Phenom II X4 965, MSI 790GX-G65, Leadtek GeForce 9800 GT 512MB, G.Skill F3-10600CL9D-4GBNT, 1TB Seagate, 500G Seagate, ASUS DVD DL Burner, Samsung CD Burner, Samsung 24" LCD,Win7Ultimate, Thermaltake Armour 650W

  10. #10
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    Default

    A visit to the asylum...

    During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director, "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalised?"

    "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub."

    1. Would you use the spoon?

    2. Would you use the teacup?

    3. Would you use the bucket?

    "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup."

    "Noooooo," answered the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug."




    (So... how did you do on this test? )

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