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  1. #1
    6146-B Billy T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Middle Earth

    Talking Monday Laughs: It's been while, time for some more blonde jokes.......


    There's this blonde out for a walk.

    She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

    The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back:

    "You ARE on the other side."


    Billy 8-{)
    Some days it's not even worth chewing through my restraints!

  2. #2
    Old fella smithie 38's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004

    Talking Re: Monday Laughs: It's been while, time for some more blonde jokes.......

    A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his
    toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said,
    "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to

    Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom
    and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and
    the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma
    turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting
    knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting
    the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

    The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door,
    and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello, son, is
    your Grandma home?"

    The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

    The minister fainted.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Monday Laughs: It's been while, time for some more blonde jokes.......

    Pregnancy themed due to my impending motherhood

    A woman is pregnant with twins, but unfortunately late in her pregancy is involved in a particulary bad car crash which leaves her in hospital in a coma. 3 months after the accident, she finally awakes, and is horrified to find that she is no longer pregnant, and calls for the nurse.

    The nurse races to the hysterical womans bedside and sets her mind at ease. "Ma'm, you have two very healthy children born while you were in your coma, one boy, and one girl. Your brother came in and named them".

    The woman is relieved to hear that her children are OK, but slightly worried that her brother, a bit of a flake, has been allowed to name her babies.

    "What did he name them?" She asked the nurse.

    "Well, he named your little girl Denise".

    The woman relaxes somewhat. "That's a nice name, a lot better than I expected. And what did he name the boy?"

    Powered by Akloo v. 3.0

  4. #4
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2005

    Default Re: Monday Laughs: It's been while, time for some more blonde jokes.......

    With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following.

    1. Viruses replicate quickly.
    Windows does this.

    2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so.
    Windows does this.

    3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk.
    Windows does this.

    4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems.
    Windows does that too.

    5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
    Same with Windows, yet again.

    Maybe Windows really is a virus.

    Nope! There is a difference!

    Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So there! Windows is not a virus.
    Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

    REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)

    Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

    Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...

    Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.

    WinErr 001: Windows loaded - System in danger
    WinErr 002: No Error - Yet
    WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
    WinErr 004: Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong
    WinErr 005: Multitasking attempted - System confused
    WinErr 006: Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
    WinErr 007: System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
    WinErr 008: Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
    WinErr 009: Horrible bug encountered - God knows what happened
    WinErr 00A: Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
    WinErr 00B: Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50MB
    WinErr 00C: Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More!
    WinErr 00D: Window closed - Do not look outside
    WinErr 00E: Window open - Do not look inside
    WinErr 00F: Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
    WinErr 010: Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
    WinErr 011: Window open - Do not look outside
    WinErr 012: Window closed - Do not look inside
    WinErr 013: Unexpected error - Huh ?
    WinErr 014: Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
    WinErr 018: Unrecoverable error - System destroyed. Buy new one.
    WinErr 019: User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
    WinErr 01A: OS overwritten - Please reinstall all software.
    WinErr 01B: Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will suffer a penalty for that.
    WinErr 01C: Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate.
    WinErr 01D: System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.
    WinErr 01E: Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
    WinErr 01F: Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.
    WinErr 020: Error recording error codes - Additional errors will be lost.
    WinErr 042: Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus will be activated again.
    WinErr 079: Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.
    WinErr 103: Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Additional errors may not be displayed or recorded.
    WinErr 678: This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
    WinErr 683: Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.
    WinErr 815: Insufficient Memory - Only 50,312,583 Bytes available.
    WinErr 912: Purchase a new copy of Windows today. Old license void. Windows has been deleted.
    1. Microsoft gives you Windows - OS/2 give you the whole house.

    2. A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle.

    3. Windows and DOS: A turtle and its shell.

    4. Bang on the left side of your computer to restart Windows.

    5. Windows: The colorful clown suit for DOS.

    6. Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.

    7. Windows 3.1: The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.

    8. Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.

    9. I'll never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I'm trying.

    10. I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better

    11. My lastest screen-saver: Curtains for Windows.

    12. Double your drive space: Delete Windows!

    13. OS/2. Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates.

    14. Out of disk space. Delete Windows? [Y]es [A]solutely [O]f Course!

    15. How do you want to crash today?

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004

    Default Re: Monday Laughs: It's been while, time for some more blonde jokes.......

    nice onces Botznoy

  6. #6
    ~ >*()))><( andrew93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004

    Default Re: Monday Laughs: It's been while, time for some more blonde jokes.......

    Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes one item by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed".

    "Oh no!" exclaims the President. "That's terrible!"

    His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits head in hands.

    Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

  7. #7
    Frank and Earnest. Cicero's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004

    Default Re: Monday Laughs: It's been while, time for some more blonde jokes.......

    Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is
    one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter the United States of

    Mujibar said, "I am ready."

    The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Green, Pink and

    Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am

    The Officer said, "Go ahead."

    Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up,
    and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"

    Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you and works at the Microsoft
    help desk.

  8. #8
    Frank and Earnest. Cicero's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004

    Default Re: Monday Laughs: It's been while, time for some more blonde jokes.......

    I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and

    could all do with a little calm. By following the simple advice I read

    an article, I have finally found inner peace.

    The article read: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish off all

    things you have started". So I looked round the house to see all the

    things I had started and hadn't finished ..... and before leaving the

    house this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of

    wine, the Baileys, three Bacardi Breezers, the Jack Daniels, the Prozac,

    some valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates. You have no idea

    how bloody good I feel.

  9. #9
    Photographic enthusiast Misty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Birkenhead, North Shore, AK (amongst the bush)

    Talking Re: Monday Laughs: It's been while, time for some more blonde jokes.......

    The old Indian chief sat in his home on the reservation,
    smoking his ceremonial pipe, eyeing the two U.S. government
    officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two Eagles," one
    official began, "you have observed the white man for many
    years. You have seen all his progress and all his

    The chief nodded. The official continued, "What do you
    think of all the white man has done?" The chief stared at
    the officials for more than a minute, and then calmly
    replied. "When white man found the land, Indians were
    running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo, plenty
    beaver. Women did most of the work. Medicine man free.
    Indian men hunted and fished all the time."

    The chief paused, then added, "Only white man dumb enough
    to think he could improve system like that."

    Affinity Photo 1.8.5 (marvellous)
    Lightroom 6
    Nik Collection
    AZZ Cardfile
    Intel Core i7 9700K @ 3.60GHz 32 C
    Coffee Lake 14nm Technology

  10. #10
    Mixed Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004

    Default Re: Monday Laughs: It's been while, time for some more blonde jokes.......

    A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to
    other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Transcontinental train.

    Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very
    tired and fell asleep quickly... he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over
    and gently woke the woman saying,


    I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the
    closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

    "I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend
    that we're married."

    "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

    "Good," she replied.

    "Get your own blanket!"

    After a moment of silence, he Farted

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