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Thread: Jokes

  1. #11
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    Default Re: Jokes

    An utterly ruthless Hollywood producer is visited by Satan. Satan says "I can get you any star male or female any time you want , and always you will get the best scripts and best directors to work for you at cheap rates. I can make all your films be blockbusters". The producer says "In return what do you want.? "Satan says "your immortal soul".
    The producer strokes his goatee looking puzzled , then says after a while "OK but what's the catch?'

  2. #12
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    An Irishman is approached by one of his neighbours who says "Paddy, yesterday afternoon you should have closed your curtains when you were making love with your wife. The whole street was watching."
    P:addy says "Ha , the joke is on them. I wasn't home yesterday afternoon"

  3. #13
    Senior Member piroska's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes

    Two Types Of People

    https://www.boredpanda.com/people-di...mpaign=organic

    Not a joke as such, but some funny examples...
    Ex-pctek

  4. #14
    Wrinkly Member! B.M.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes

    HERE Some of the comments are classic.
    Global Warming is Mann made.

    Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
    .
    The problems we face today are because the people who work for a living are now outnumbered by those who vote for a living.

  5. #15
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    Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on beds next to each other, waiting outside the Operating Room.
    The first kid leans over and asks, 'What are you in here for?'
    The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous.'
    The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jello and ice cream. It's a breeze.'
    The second kid then asks, 'What are you in here for?
    The first kid says, 'A circumcision.'
    The second kid says, 'Whoa, good luck with that one, buddy! I had that done when I was BORN...Couldn't walk for a year

  6. #16
    Rocket Dog WalOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by wainuitech View Post
    All was going well until A Real Rabbit Turned Up....
    Brilliant!
    I have very high hopes that seriousness is a reversible condition.

    Dr Lester Levy


    I've studied deeply in the philosophies and religions, but cheerfulness kept breaking through.

    Leonard Cohen

  7. #17
    Retired old codger kenj's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes

    https://youtu.be/lEMgmniiPhw

    AMAZING DEVICE INVENTED BY THE GERMANS THAT CAN TELL THE HEALTHOF EACH ORGAN IN YOUR BODY BY VIBRATION....

    Any volunteers please?

    Ken

  8. #18
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    Subject: How’s the war going?
    A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked, "What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
    Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
    "Oh, right. How's it going?"
    "Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 24,000 soldiers, 2,000 tanks, 200 aircraft, numerous helicopters, and loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces. and our Black Sea flag ship along with other naval pieces"
    "Wow! What about NATO?"
    "They haven't turned up yet."
    ---------------------------------------
    A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

    She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

    "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

    Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

    The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

    The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

    He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

    The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."

    Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
    "You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

    "Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

    Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.

    “And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

  9. #19

    Default Re: Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by kenj View Post
    For the life of me, I can't figure out how my parents used to entertain themselves in the days before TV was commonplace?

    I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they didn't have a clue either!

    Ken
    Yes, very good, Ken.

    We used to gather around and listen to the radio in the evenings. They had comedy shows such as "Life With Dexter." That was always good fun, but not as good as your parents!
    It is better to wear out than to rust out.
    - Richard Chamberlain, Tour of the Hebrides

    Us husbands are a sorry lot.

  10. #20
    Senior Member paulw's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Roscoe View Post
    Yes, very good, Ken.

    We used to gather around and listen to the radio in the evenings. They had comedy shows such as "Life With Dexter." That was always good fun, but not as good as your parents!
    Ah life with Dexter. Great series https://www.youtube.com/results?sear...r+radio+series
    Regards,

    Paul W
    Taco Bell is not a Mexican telephone company

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