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Thread: Humour -2

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008

    Default Humour -2

    1) Bored? Phone a Women's' Rights Group and ask to speak with the Man in Charge

    A young fella with his pants hanging half off his arse, no front teeth and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local MSD office to pick up his benefit money.
    He strolled up to the counter and said:
    "Hi there, you know what... I really HATE claiming benefits, I'd really much rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system and getting something for nothing."

    The social worker behind the counter said:
    "Wow, your timing is excellent. We've just received a job opening from a very wealthy elderly man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.
    You'll have to drive around in his brand new Mercedes-Benz CL, he'll supply all of your clothes and because of the unsocial hours, meals will be provided free of charge, you'll also be expected to escort his daughter on her overseas holiday trips, but you will also have as part of your job, to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sexual appetite."

    The guy, jaw-dropping and wide-eyed said:
    "You're bull-shittin' me !"
    The social worker said:
    "Yeah, well . . . You started it . . .

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017

    Default Re: Humour -2

    This is great! Thank you for making me laugh.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008

    Default Re: Humour -2

    Answering machine message:- "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2004

    Default Re: Humour -2

    From The London Times:

    A Well-Planned Retirement

    Outside England ‘s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant ... The fees for cars ($1.40), for buses (about $7).

    Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn’t show up; so, the zoo management called the city council and asked it to send them another parking agent. The council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the zoo’s own responsibility. The zoo advised the council that the attendant was a city employee.

    The city council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the city payroll.

    Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, or France, or Italy, is a man who’d apparently had a ticket booth installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars ... and no one even knows his name.

  5. #5
    Senior Member paulw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004

    Default Re: Humour -2

    Love them all :-)

    Paul W
    Taco Bell is not a Mexican telephone company

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