Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Covid Jokes

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Christchurch
    Posts
    2,444

    Default Covid Jokes

    Covid Level 1 Jokes of the Day
    Why we like children
    1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

    2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

    3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
    During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

    4) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

    5) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?
    >> Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.
    >> 'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?'
    >> 'Yes, that's right,' I told her.
    >> 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

    6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
    >> 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
    >> 'It sure is,' I replied.
    >> Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
    Finally he said, 'What did he do?'

    7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
    particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

    8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
    When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
    >> 'And why not, darling?'
    >> 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

    9) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
    Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton wool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased
    The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always
    said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

    10) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

    11) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
    >> 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
    >> 'What have you got there, dear?'
    >> With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

    NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY,GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT

    The Catholic Hair Dryer
    An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest sitting beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'
    Of course child. What can I do for you?'
    I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Perhaps you could hide it under your robes for me?’
    'I would love to help you my dear but, I must warn you, I will not tell a lie.'
    'With your honest face, Father, I'm sure that no one will question you.'
    When they got to customs, she let the priest go first.
    The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
    'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'
    The official thought this answer a little strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
    'I have a marvelous instrument that has been designed for use on women, which, to date, remains unused.
    Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!’

  2. #2
    Old fella smithie 38's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Carterton
    Posts
    609

    Default Re: Covid Jokes

    One for pun lovers -

    John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night. Turns out it was just Saturday night fever.

    The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19.
    Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

    I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself that's the last thing I need.

    Intelligence is like underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

    Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

    A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason...details are sketchy.


    People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow.

    Whatever you do, always give 100% unless you're donating blood.

    What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
    A Roamin’ Catholic.

    What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth?
    "Someday my prints will come! "

    I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it.

    A girl said she recognized me from her vegetarian club but I’d never met herbivore.

    If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

    My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting
    "be positive," .... but it's hard for me to be positive without him.

    Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

  3. #3
    Senior Member piroska's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    With Kim-Jong-Mum
    Posts
    3,120

    Default Re: Covid Jokes

    My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.


    I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch them with a six-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!

    This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog–we laughed a lot.

    If you bought 144 rolls of toilet paper in preparation for a 14-day quarantine, you probably should have been seeing a doctor long before coronavirus.
    Ex-pctek

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Christchurch
    Posts
    2,444

    Default Re: Covid Jokes

    Same thing with the recent level 4 in Auks.

    During WW11 our Dad cut up the local newspaper for toilet paper, stuck it to wall with 6" nail!!!.

    All us kids would have a bath 1 at one end and 1 at the other end, 5 boys and I don't remember who was last, poor beggar, probably the youngest.

    lurking

    ps. then New Zealand's best years were to follow, damn those were the days'.

    lurks.

  5. #5
    Senior Member piroska's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    With Kim-Jong-Mum
    Posts
    3,120

    Default Re: Covid Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Lurking View Post
    Same thing with the recent level 4 in Auks.

    During WW11 our Dad cut up the local newspaper for toilet paper, stuck it to wall with 6" nail!!!.

    All us kids would have a bath 1 at one end and 1 at the other end, 5 boys and I don't remember who was last, poor beggar, probably the youngest.

    .
    Same with husband, living in a 2 brdm shack in Rangatau, 1 cold tap, outdoor loo, 7 kids taking turns in the weekly portable bath.
    Newspaper in the long drop.

    None of them enjoyed it, when they moved to Akld, his mum bought every appliance known, that she could.
    She died aged 54.
    No wonder.
    Ex-pctek

  6. #6
    Computer "Specialist" Agent_24's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    64 Bitville
    Posts
    14,313

    Default Re: Covid Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by piroska View Post
    None of them enjoyed it, when they moved to Akld, his mum bought every appliance known, that she could.
    She died aged 54.
    No wonder.
    I'm wondering. What's the answer?
    Non-system disk or disk error. Replace and strike any key when ready.

  7. #7
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2021
    Posts
    7

    Default Re: Covid Jokes

    Covid is not a joke that should be taken seriously.

  8. #8
    Computer "Specialist" Agent_24's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    64 Bitville
    Posts
    14,313

    Default Re: Covid Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Mariapia View Post
    Covid is not a joke that should be taken seriously.
    Are there any jokes that should be taken seriously?
    Non-system disk or disk error. Replace and strike any key when ready.

Similar Threads

  1. Computer has Covid !!
    By SP8s in forum PressF1
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 19-12-2020, 08:26 AM
  2. Covid Tracer App
    By bk T in forum PC World Chat
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 08-09-2020, 11:17 AM
  3. COVID-19 vaccine?
    By Billy in forum PC World Chat
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 23-04-2020, 01:22 PM
  4. Covid-19 - Self Isolate
    By Paul.Cov in forum PC World Chat
    Replies: 181
    Last Post: 20-04-2020, 08:14 PM
  5. Replies: 11
    Last Post: 03-03-2012, 05:03 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •