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  1. #31
    VoidMaster
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    Default Re: C'mon..... Joke time

    3.....2.....1........ SPAM I bet.
    It's not the least charm of a theory that it is refutable. The hundred-times-refuted theory of "free will" owes its persistence to this charm alone; some one is always appearing who feels himself strong enough to refute it - Friedrich Nietzsche

  2. #32
    Retired old codger kenj's Avatar
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    Default Re: C'mon..... Joke time

    “Lemon Pickers Needed" - ad in the newspaper.


    Ms. Sally Mulligan of Papakura, Auckland, read it, and decided to apply for one of the jobs that most New Zealanders are not willing to do.

    She submitted her application for a job in Te Puke as a Lemon Fruit picker, but seemed far too qualified for the job.



    She has a liberal arts degree from the University of Wellington , and a master's degree from Otago.

    For a number of years, she had worked as a social worker, and also as a school teacher.

    The owner studied her application, frowned, and said, "I see that you are well educated, and have an impressive resume.



    "However, I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"



    "Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said... "I've been divorced three times, owned two Holdens, voted twice for Winston, and once for Jacinda."


    She started work yesterday.

    Ken

  3. #33
    Old fella smithie 38's Avatar
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    Default Re: C'mon..... Joke time

    Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peter's Square.

    The first Catholic man tells his friends,
    "My son is a priest. When he walks into
    A room, everyone calls him 'Father'."


    The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."


    The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."

    The fourth Catholic man says very proudly,
    "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."


    Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

    She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,

    SLIM
    TALL
    38D BREASTS
    24"WAIST and 36"HIPS.



    When she walks into a room, people say,
    "Jesus !".

  4. #34
    Wrinkly Member! B.M.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: C'mon..... Joke time

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    Global Warming is Mann made.
    .
    .
    The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

  5. #35
    Rocket Dog WalOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: C'mon..... Joke time

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    I have very high hopes that seriousness is a reversible condition.

    Dr Lester Levy


    I've studied deeply in the philosophies and religions, but cheerfulness kept breaking through.

    Leonard Cohen

  6. #36
    Wrinkly Member! B.M.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: C'mon..... Joke time

    Why Parents Drink

    The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent
    but had not phoned in sick. So he dialed the employee's home phone number and
    was greeted with a child's whisper.

    'Hello?'

    "Is your daddy home?'

    'Yes, he's out in the garden' ' whispered the small voice.

    'May I talk with him?'

    The child whispered, 'No'

    "So the boss asked, 'Well, is your Mommy there?

    'Yes, but she's out in the garden, too'

    '& The boss asked; 'May I talk with her?'

    Again the small voice whispered, 'No'

    'Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked,

    'Is anybody else there?'

    'Yes' whispered the child, 'a policeman'

    'Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,

    'May I speak with the policeman?'

    'No, he's busy' whispered the child.

    'Busy doing what?'

    'Talking to Mommy and Daddy and the Police Dog Man'

    Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked,

    'What is that noise?'

    'It's a helicopter ' answered the whispering voice

    'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

    'The search team just landed in a helicopter'

    'A search team?' said the boss. 'What are they searching for?'

    Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle....

    'Me'
    Global Warming is Mann made.
    .
    .
    The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

  7. #37
    Retired old codger kenj's Avatar
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    Default Re: C'mon..... Joke time

    Covid-19 in Australia reminds me of The Spice Girls!

    Everyone is trying hard except Victoria!

    Ken
    Corgi Ben Kenobi.......Related by Corgi to the Queen

  8. #38
    Senior Member piroska's Avatar
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    Default Re: C'mon..... Joke time

    Quote Originally Posted by B.M. View Post

    The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent
    but had not phoned in sick. So he dialed the employee's home phone number and
    was greeted with a child's whisper.
    '

    LOL, a good joke.
    Ex-pctek

  9. #39
    Computer Technician wainuitech's Avatar
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    Default Re: C'mon..... Joke time

    With every Month this year something else seems to appear ----

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    Update / Upgrades = Replace old bugs with new ones.

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