(Between) Mondays jokes...

[R2x1]

If anyone ever tells you they've lost their voice, they're lying.


I’ve recently taken up meditation. Well, at least it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.


It's amazing that the amount of things that happen in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.


I was a man trapped in a woman’s body. Then I had an operation and was born.


The Universe is expanding. That should help ease the traffic.


My positive thinking class was half empty.


Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Want a beer?” Descartes says, “I don't think . . ." and disappears.


Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.


One way to annoy people: produce a rental DVD consisting entirely of dire copyright warnings.


Urban Myth: Coco Channel invented the little black hoodie.


I've never been told I'm a bad listener.

[smithie 38]

Ponderisms

Why do peanuts float in a regular coke and sink in a diet coke? Go ahead and try it.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes
.
Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it’s only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going? (taxes)

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway
.
Why is “bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

HOW DID THE MAN WHO MADE THE FIRST CLOCK, KNOW WHAT TIME IT WAS?

[piroska]

well most of those are just a plain lack of thought.
What time it is....right.

Crying underwater etc.
Sounds clever if you don't think

[R2x1]

How would you convince anyone there's a spelling mistake in a dictionary?

What's another word for "thesaurus" . . .

. . . or for "synonym"?

[smithie 38]

No doubt some people will enjoy them Piroska even if you dont. However seeing you think they are not up to standard, I wont contribute to Monday laughs in future

[R2x1]

to see a funny thing, it would be interesting watching this ***** trying to convince his insurance company that he had an accident.

[R2x1]

well most of those are just a plain lack of thought.
What time it is....right.

Crying underwater etc.
Sounds clever if you don't think

It could be some of these jokes are not meant to be taken seriously?

[smithie 38]

It could be some of these jokes are not meant to be taken seriously?

You are right R2x1 they were not meant to be taken seriously. The heading says it all - Mondays jokes.

[wainuitech]

No doubt some people will enjoy them Piroska even if you dont. However seeing you think they are not up to standard, I wont contribute to Monday laughs in future

smithie --- DON'T go doing that, 99% of the jokes put a smile on someones face (even old ones)

Some people simply don't have a sense of Humour and take life so serious

Like this picture -- Some wont get it

[B.M.]

No doubt some people will enjoy them Piroska even if you dont. However seeing you think they are not up to standard, I wont contribute to Monday laughs in future

I think they were bloody brilliant!

Here's mine, she can ***** about it too.