Results 1 to 7 of 7
  1. #1

    Default Monday Laughs - please contribute

    A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer and their project manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break, when they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off.

    Poof - out pops a genie.

    "Thank you for releasing me from my lamp prison. I can grant you three wishes. Since there are three of you, I will grant one wish to each of you."

    The hardware engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with an all girl crew."

    "It is done," said the genie, and poof, the hardware engineer disappears.

    The software engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be riding my Harley with a gang of beautiful women throughout the country."

    "It is done," said the genie, and poof, the software engineer disappears.

    The project manager looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then he tells the genie, "I'd like those two back in the office after lunch."


    Me: I was staying in a hotel overnight and took my computer down to the bar to do some work. I sat down at the bar and asked the bartender, "What's the Wifi password?"
    Bartender: "You need to buy a drink first."
    Me: Okay. I'll have a beer.
    Bartender: "We have Steinlager on tap."
    Me: How much us that?
    Bartender: "$8.00."
    Me: Okay. Here you are. What's the Wifi password?"
    Bartender: "youneedtobuyadrinkfirst, no spaces and all lowercase . . . .
    It is better to wear out than to rust out.
    - Richard Chamberlain, Tour of the Hebrides

    Us husbands are a sorry lot.

    Visit the Radio Reading Service: www.radioreading.org.nz

  2. #2
    Wrinkly Member! B.M.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Mount Maunganui
    Posts
    6,924

    Default Re: Monday Laughs - please contribute

    Well I thought it was funny.

    HERE
    Global Warming is Mann made.
    .
    .
    The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

  3. #3
    Rocket Dog WalOne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Ellerslie
    Posts
    4,956

    Default Re: Monday Laughs - please contribute

    Quote Originally Posted by B.M. View Post
    Well I thought it was funny.

    HERE
    Nice one BM, thanks for the post
    I have very high hopes that seriousness is a reversible condition.

    Dr Lester Levy


    I've studied deeply in the philosophies and religions, but cheerfulness kept breaking through.

    Leonard Cohen

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Nelson
    Posts
    211

    Default Re: Monday Laughs - please contribute

    Then my dog bit me


    A man was sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him grabbed the drink and gulped it down in one swig.

    "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he said, menacingly, as the man burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd cry.

    I can't stand to see a man crying."

    "This is the worst day of my life," he answered. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me.

    When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home.

    I found my wife with another man ... and then my dog bit me."

    "So, I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in it and sit here watching the poison dissolve.

    Then you show up and drink the whole damn thing! But, Hell, enough about me, how are you doing?"
    The floggings will continue until morale improves.
    No keyboard detected. Press F1 to continue.

  5. #5
    curmudgeon
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    404

    Default Re: Monday Laughs - please contribute

    Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.

    “Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?” asked the one.

    “Well, not exactly.” His friend replied, “She’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.”

    “Oh, I see, kinky, huh?”

    “Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead.”

  6. #6
    Retired old codger kenj's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Nhapier
    Posts
    4,868

    Default Re: Monday Laughs - please contribute

    From our local rag this morning.....

    Q. What do you get if you cross an agnostic, an insomniac and a dyslexic

    A. A person that lies awake all night wondering if there is a dog

    Ken

  7. #7
    Old fella smithie 38's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Carterton
    Posts
    564

    Default Re: Monday Laughs - please contribute

    A man tells a Rabbi, "I have a strong desire to live to eternity. What am I supposed to do?"

    "Get married" replies the Rabbi.

    "It's that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?"

    "No, but the desire will soon disappear"

Similar Threads

  1. Monday Laughs - please contribute
    By Roscoe in forum PC World Chat
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 30-10-2018, 08:39 AM
  2. Monday Laughs - please contribute
    By Roscoe in forum PC World Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 27-09-2018, 09:35 AM
  3. Monday Laughs - please contribute
    By Roscoe in forum PC World Chat
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 18-09-2018, 03:43 PM
  4. Monday Laughs - please contribute
    By Roscoe in forum PC World Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 15-05-2018, 02:40 PM
  5. Monday Laughs - please contribute
    By Roscoe in forum PC World Chat
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 17-02-2018, 04:35 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •