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Thread: More Humour

  1. #1
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    Default More Humour

    Thanks WalOne for your regular contributions.
    I thought I should contribute some.


    Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.
    Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
    Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
    ___________________________________________

    A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
    The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
    ___________________________________________

    'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the Divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
    'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
    ___________________________________________

    A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
    'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
    ___________________________________________

    An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
    The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
    The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
    ___________________________________________

    A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?'
    The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
    'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
    ___________________________________________

    Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
    'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
    'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
    'A golf gun! What the heck is a golf gun?'
    'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
    ___________________________________________

    Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
    Joe: 'Really?'
    Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
    ___________________________________________

    A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
    'I'm O.K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
    'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
    'Oops!'
    ___________________________________________

    While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
    'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
    'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
    He's still in intensive care.
    ___________________________________________

    The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...
    The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there

  2. #2
    Rocket Dog WalOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: More Humour

    Would you and Pctek both, like a weekly blog?

    I have very high hopes that seriousness is a reversible condition.

    Dr Lester Levy


    I've studied deeply in the philosophies and religions, but cheerfulness kept breaking through.

    Leonard Cohen

  3. #3
    Trying to fiddle less! R.M.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: More Humour

    Yes please! The more the better, in my view.
    Now-if I could just remember where I left my brain...

  4. #4
    Rocket Dog WalOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: More Humour

    Yes please! The more the better, in my view.
    Ummm ... I was thinking more in terms of a holiday. For moi.

    Instead of. Not in addition to ...

    Last edited by WalOne; 11-10-2017 at 01:40 PM.
    I have very high hopes that seriousness is a reversible condition.

    Dr Lester Levy


    I've studied deeply in the philosophies and religions, but cheerfulness kept breaking through.

    Leonard Cohen

  5. #5
    Trying to fiddle less! R.M.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: More Humour

    Ah well - worth a try.
    Now-if I could just remember where I left my brain...

  6. #6
    Rocket Dog WalOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: More Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by R.M. View Post
    Ah well - worth a try.
    there, there, petal ...



    But thanks to both Neil and pctek!
    I have very high hopes that seriousness is a reversible condition.

    Dr Lester Levy


    I've studied deeply in the philosophies and religions, but cheerfulness kept breaking through.

    Leonard Cohen

  7. #7
    Senior Member pctek's Avatar
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    Default Re: More Humour

    Quote Originally Posted by WalOne View Post
    Would you and Pctek both, like a weekly blog?

    Steady on...I don't do jokes, I just came across that video clip on Misscellenia and liked it is all....
    wipe your paws.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: More Humour

    I am happy to contribute periodically when I get adequate material from friends.
    Some are quite funny Cartoon form but I do not know how to put them on this site (too big) so will stick to text format.

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