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  1. #1
    Rocket Dog WalOne's Avatar
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    Smile MONDAY LAUGHS ... Sex and Marriage

    Hey folks, after rain stopped play last week here we are once more




    Kicking off this week with ...

    SEX AND MARRIAGE

    “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes”
    Jim Carrey

    “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her”
    Rodney Dangerfield

    “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery”
    Erma Bombeck

    “Erotic, not kinky. It’s the difference between using a feather and using a chicken”
    Terry Pratchett

    “There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible”
    Unknown

    “I have just learned that penguins are monogamous for life, which doesn’t surprise me all that much because they all look exactly alike. It’s not like they’re going to meet a better looking penguin someday”
    Ellen DeGeneres

    +++++////\\\\+++++

    Sexist post of the year ...

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    +++++////\\\\+++++

    Whiskers on it ...

    A family visiting an Indian reservation happened upon an old tribesman laying face down in the middle of the road with his ear pressed firmly against the blacktop. The father of the family asked the old tribesman what he was doing.

    The tribesman began to speak... "woman, late thirties, three kids, one barking dog in late model, four door station wagon, traveling at 65 m.p.h."
    "That's amazing" exclaimed the father. "You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground"?

    "No", said the old tribesman. "They just ran over me five minutes ago."

    +++++////\\\\+++++

    A patient tells his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Doctor, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

    "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

    "Okay," says the patient, "now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

    +++++////\\\\+++++

    Q: What’s the difference between a {insert the name of a NZ political party] politician and a snail?

    A: One is slimy, a pest, and leaves a trail everywhere and the other is a snail.

    +++++////\\\\+++++

    An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
    The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”

    “Yes.”
    “Oui.”
    “Sí.”
    “Ja.”

    (yes, we see ya)



    +++++////\\\\+++++

    Old people at weddings poke me and say, “you’re next”.
    So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals …

    +++++////\\\\+++++

    Her: Whatcha doing?
    Him: Nothing.
    Her: You did that yesterday.
    Him: I wasn't finished.

    +++++////\\\\+++++

    A fly was buzzing around a barn one day when she happened upon a pile of fresh cow manure. Seeing it had been hours since she had had her last meal, she flew down and began to snack.

    Putting thoughts of just snacking aside, she ate and ate. And ate.

    Finally, she decided she had eaten enough and tried to fly away.

    She had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As she looked around wondering what to do, she spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall.

    She climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once she got airborne, she would be able to take flight.

    Unfortunately she was wrong, she dropped like a rock, and splat! She hit the floor.

    Killed, dead!

    Are you ready for the moral of the story?

    Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of shi*t.



    +++++////\\\\+++++

    A vacationer called a seaside hotel to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw from the beach," he was told.

    "But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.

    Came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken windows."

    +++++////\\\\+++++

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    Have a great week, until next time

    I have very high hopes that seriousness is a reversible condition.

    Dr Lester Levy


    I've studied deeply in the philosophies and religions, but cheerfulness kept breaking through.

    Leonard Cohen

  2. #2

    Default Re: MONDAY LAUGHS ... Sex and Marriage

    Thanks Wal. A good selection. Much appreciated.
    It is better to wear out than to rust out.
    - Richard Chamberlain, Tour of the Hebrides

    Us husbands are a sorry lot.

    Visit the Radio Reading Service: www.radioreading.org.nz

  3. #3
    Soaring like an Eagle gary67's Avatar
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    Default Re: MONDAY LAUGHS ... Sex and Marriage

    Thanks Wal

  4. #4
    Rocket Dog WalOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: MONDAY LAUGHS ... Sex and Marriage

    Thanks Roscoe and Gary
    I have very high hopes that seriousness is a reversible condition.

    Dr Lester Levy


    I've studied deeply in the philosophies and religions, but cheerfulness kept breaking through.

    Leonard Cohen

  5. #5
    Soaring like an Eagle gary67's Avatar
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    Default Re: MONDAY LAUGHS ... Sex and Marriage

    It always makes my week regardless as to posts them

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