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  1. #1
    Rocket Dog WalOne's Avatar
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    Smile MONDAY LAUGHS ... August 28

    Gidday troops ... it's Monday again.

    Here we go with another lot to see you through the week




    -----xxxxx-----

    The people of Dubai do not like to watch cartoons like "The Flintstones" but the people of Abu Dhabi do.

    You hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.

    How about the dyslexic optimist? When life gives him melons, he makes lemonade.

    A man is washing his car with his son when the boy goes 'Dad, can't we use a sponge?'

    -----xxxxx-----

    My grandmothers last words before she kicked the bucket were "Hey how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

    Edit: To everyone that wants to send me hate PMs you can relax, the bucket is fine.

    -----xxxxx-----

    Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time consuming.
    No, but I tried making a belt out of my old watches. It didn't work. What a waist of time.

    -----xxxxx-----

    Click image for larger version. 

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    I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance.

    -----xxxxx-----

    I’ve been really depressed lately. A friend told me I should go to the petting zoo perhaps, to cheer up.

    I went today, but not one person would stroke me.

    -----xxxxx-----

    Are you two twins?
    No, why do you ask?
    Because your mum dressed you both in the same clothes.

    OK that’s enough, your driver’s license please.

    -----xxxxx-----

    One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody.
    Unless you are in prison.

    -----xxxxx-----

    Romantic relationships can actually be represented in algebra. You for example, have definitely at some point looked at your X and asked yourself Y.

    -----xxxxx-----

    Dyslexia killed a vampire hunter one sad night when he attacked a vampire with a steak.

    -----xxxxx-----

    “But other than that, Mrs Lincoln, did you like the play?”

    -----xxxxx-----

    It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.

    -----xxxxx-----

    Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue.
    Paddy says “Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too.”
    Mick agrees “I’m ordering one right now”
    Three weeks later Paddy says to Mick, “has your woman turned up yet?”
    “No” said Mick, “but it shouldn’t be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday.”

    -----xxxxx-----

    It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

    -----xxxxx-----

    I remember this one from years ago, Dad used to have a carbon copy typed out. That's really old ... but still a goodie …



    Many years ago, you couldn't count on a public toilet facility when travelling either at home or abroad.

    This true, short and funny story is about an English woman who was planning a trip of a lifetime to India. She had booked in to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC.

    In England, a bathroom is occasionally called a WC which stands for "Water Closet".

    This, rather genteel lady, wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring about the WC. The school master who was not very fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC.

    Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds.

    They penned the following reply …

    Dear Madam,

    I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.

    It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different angle.

    My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.

    You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time.

    Click image for larger version. 

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    I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters.

    We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.

    With deepest regards,

    The Schoolmaster.


    On reading the letter the lady fainted and on her recovery immediately cancelled her visit.

    -----xxxxx-----

    Cheers, have a great week

    Last edited by WalOne; 28-08-2017 at 02:00 PM.
    I have very high hopes that seriousness is a reversible condition.

    Dr Lester Levy


    I've studied deeply in the philosophies and religions, but cheerfulness kept breaking through.

    Leonard Cohen

  2. #2
    Senior Member Digby's Avatar
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    Default Re: MONDAY LAUGHS ... August 28

    Some good one liners there

    Abu Dhabi do!
    So what colour is your Adkaf?
    Have you joined Proud to Be Kiwi yet?

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