Results 1 to 7 of 7
  1. #1
    6146-B Billy T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Middle Earth
    Posts
    6,887

    Talking Monday Laughs: Women: I daren' t say more! SWMBO might overhear me..................

    .
    .

    An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown Emu behind him.

    The waitress asks them for their orders.

    The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the Emu, 'What's yours?' 'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the Emu.

    A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.

    The next day, the man and the Emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.' The Emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.'

    Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

    This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

    'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. Same for me,' says the Emu.

    Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

    Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

    The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'

    'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

    My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

    'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!'

    'That's right. Whether it's a litre of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man.

    Still curious the waitress asks, 'So what's with the bloody Emu?'

    The truckie pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.

    *********************************


    A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.

    She said, "But we don't know anything about each other."

    He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."

    So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort. One morning they were lying by the pool when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

    She said, "That was incredible!"

    He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."

    So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps.. After seventy-five laps she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel, and was hardly out of breath.

    He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"

    "No," she said, "I was a prostitute in Taupo, but I worked both sides of the Lake ..."

    *********************************


    Pregnancy, Oestrogen, and Women:


    A PREGNANCY Q & A, & more!

    Q: Should I have another baby after 35?
    A: No, 35 children is enough.

    Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
    A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

    Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
    A: Childbirth.

    Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
    A: So what's your question?

    Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
    A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air-current.

    Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
    A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

    Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
    A: No, not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

    Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
    A: Yes, pregnancy.

    Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
    A: Not if you change the baby's nappy very quickly.

    Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
    A: When the kids are in College.

    *********************************


    Ten Sure Ways To Know If Your Partner Has "Oestrogen Issues"

    1. Everyone around her has an attitude problem.

    2. She insists on adding chocolate chunks to her cheese omelette.

    3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of her jeans.

    4. You suddenly realise it is safer to agree to everything she says.

    5. She's using her cellphone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 0800-".

    6. To her, everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

    7. Everyone she meets seems to have just landed here from "outer space."

    9. She is 100% certain that everyone around her is scheming to drive her crazy.

    10. The Ibuprofen bottle is empty and she only bought it yesterday.


    Cheers

    Billy 8-{)
    Some days it's not even worth chewing through my restraints!

  2. #2
    Retired old codger kenj's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Nhapier
    Posts
    5,507

    Default Re: Monday Laughs: Women: I daren' t say more! SWMBO might overhear me..............

    Excellent Billy

    Ken
    Corgi Ben Kenobi.......Related by Corgi to the Queen

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Christchurch
    Posts
    2,428

    Default Re: Monday Laughs: Women: I daren' t say more! SWMBO might overhear me..............

    Billy, it gives one a lift after W10 probs.

    Keep them coming.

    lurking.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Monday Laughs: Women: I daren' t say more! SWMBO might overhear me..............

    Thanks, Billy. I always look forward to your Monday Laughs.
    It is better to wear out than to rust out.
    - Richard Chamberlain, Tour of the Hebrides

    Us husbands are a sorry lot.

  5. #5
    Wrinkly Member! B.M.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Mount Maunganui
    Posts
    7,718

    Default Re: Monday Laughs: Women: I daren' t say more! SWMBO might overhear me..............

    Quote Originally Posted by Lurking View Post
    Billy, it gives one a lift after W10 probs.

    Keep them coming.

    lurking.
    Let me help.

    HERE
    Global Warming is Mann made.
    .
    The problems we face today are because the people who work for a living are now outnumbered by those who vote for a living.

  6. #6
    Smiling Down On Youse SurferJoe46's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Hamilton, Montana, USA
    Posts
    14,317

    Default Re: Monday Laughs: Women: I daren' t say more! SWMBO might overhear me..............

    Billy - you forgot one:

    11. She's constantly turning the thermostat down to just below freezing.


    Warum werden wir so früh alt und klug so spät?

  7. #7
    Awaiting Enlightenment R2x1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    North Shore.
    Posts
    13,977

    Default Re: Monday Laughs: Women: I daren' t say more! SWMBO might overhear me..............

    Quote Originally Posted by SurferJoe46 View Post
    Billy - you forgot one:

    11. She's constantly turning the thermostat down to just below freezing.
    And if that's the bread machine thermostat, eating the bread she turns out is far, far, superior to declining it. Eating it may give you a crook guts in a couple of days from now. Refusing it, there is simply no "couple of days from now" on your personal calendar.
    Entropy is not what
    it used to be.



Similar Threads

  1. Monday Laughs:....Of Men and Women...............
    By Billy T in forum PC World Chat
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 21-07-2015, 08:48 AM
  2. Monday Laughs:....On women..........Need I say more?
    By Billy T in forum PC World Chat
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 11-06-2015, 04:43 PM
  3. Replies: 22
    Last Post: 04-11-2010, 07:10 PM
  4. Replies: 13
    Last Post: 25-04-2008, 02:04 PM
  5. Monday Laughs: The capricious ways of women
    By Billy T in forum PC World Chat
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 07-03-2005, 09:10 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •