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  1. #1
    6146-B Billy T's Avatar
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    Talking Monday Laughs:....Humour crosses all borders, even unto heaven.........

    .
    .

    An Indian Mystery is revealed:-

    Finally, someone has cleared this up for me.

    For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian High Commission in Canberra has recently revealed the true story......

    When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union:

    On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won:-

    A -a taxi licence in Melbourne,
    B -a convenience store in Brisbane,
    C- a service station in Perth,
    D- a kebab shop in Sydney or
    E- a take away cafe in Adelaide

    If there is nothing there, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advice to Telstra and Optus customers in Australia.

    In New Zealand, the same thing happens but you win a Dairy or become a technical manager for Vodafone.

    **************************


    Israeli Sense of Humour at UN

    A representative from Israel began:

    "Before beginning my speech, I want to tell you something about Moses. When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought to himself, 'What a good opportunity to bathe! I am very dry and dusty after my trek through the desert'

    So, he removed his clothes, put them aside by the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Palestinian had stolen them."

    The Palestinian representative jumped up furiously and shouted, "What are you talking about? That is an insulting lie, Palestinians weren't even there then!"

    The Israeli representative smiled and said, "And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech......."

    **************************


    Parvinder and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of London. Habib begs just as long as Parvinder but only collects 2 to 3 every day. Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of 10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

    Habib says to Parvinder 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a bag full of 10 notes every day?' Parvinder says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?

    Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'. Parvinder says 'No wonder you only get 2- 3.

    Habib says... 'So what does your sign say'? Parvinder shows Habib his sign.

    It reads, 'I only need another 10 to move me and my family back to Pakistan'.

    **************************


    One morning in Dublin a man comes into church on crutches. He stops in front of the holy water and splashes some of it on both of his legs, then throws away his crutches.

    An altar boy witnessed the episode and runs into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen. Without batting an eye, the priest says, 'dat's de power o' faith my son, you've just witnessed a miracle.

    Be telling me then, where is this blessed man?

    'Sure an he's flat on his arse Father, over dere by the holy water.'

    **************************


    The Pearly Gates

    Saint Peter was admissions duty, manning the Pearly Gates, when forty people from South Auckland showed up.

    Never having seen anyone from South Auckland at Heaven's door, Saint Peter said he would have to check with God.

    After hearing the news, God told him that South Aucklanders were good churchgoers and instructed him to admit the ten most virtuous people from the group.

    A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said, "They're gone!"

    "What? All of the people from South Auckland have gone?" asked God.

    "No!" replied Saint Peter. "The Pearly Gates!"


    Cheers

    Billy 8-{)
    Some days it's not even worth chewing through my restraints!

  2. #2
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    Smile Re: Monday Laughs:....Humour crosses all borders, even unto heaven.........

    what is the Shanghai jig?

    When you walk on hot sand without shoes

    picture it man!

  3. #3
    curmudgeon
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs:....Humour crosses all borders, even unto heaven.........

    A mate of mine was in a bad car accident he broke both his legs and the seat belt damaged his voice box, but he isn't making a song and dance about it.

  4. #4
    6146-B Billy T's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs:....Humour crosses all borders, even unto heaven.........

    Quote Originally Posted by tutaenui View Post
    A mate of mine was in a bad car accident he broke both his legs and the seat belt damaged his voice box, but he isn't making a song and dance about it.
    Reminds me of the recent spate of thefts of toilet pans from unattended Police Stations.

    Officers from the affected Stations are looking to recover the stolen items, but so far they've got nothing to go on.

    Cheers

    Billy 8-{)
    Some days it's not even worth chewing through my restraints!

  5. #5
    Slipping into Madness lordnoddy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs:....Humour crosses all borders, even unto heaven.........

    Quote Originally Posted by Billy T View Post
    Reminds me of the recent spate of thefts of toilet pans from unattended Police Stations.

    Officers from the affected Stations are looking to recover the stolen items, but so far they've got nothing to go on.

    Cheers

    Billy 8-{)
    Or the hole in the Nudist Colony fence, police are looking into.
    Or the dog collars being stollen from pet stores, police have no leads.
    Or the psychic midget that escaped from prison, police are looking for a small, medium at large.
    Don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes... that way when you do judge them you're a mile away... and you have THEIR shoes!

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