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A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out of the car salesroom then took off down the motorway. He floored it to 150kph, enjoying the sensation of speed and the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

'Amazing!' he thought, pushing the pedal to the metal even more, then looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. 'I can get away from him - no problem!' thought the elderly nut-case as he floored it to 170kph, then 190, then 200kph.

Suddenly, he thought, 'What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!' So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'

The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.'

'Have a good day, Sir,' said the policeman.

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A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds.

The wife wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself.

The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband's feet.

"Are you hurt?" he asked.

"Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't wave once!"

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Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door."Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".

"Of course you can come in Tim, you're always welcome, but where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.

Poor Brenda was wracked by sobs and quite distraught. Finally, she regathered her composure, looked up aand asked: "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda" said Tim.

He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda".....said Tim, "not really, in fact, he got out three times to pee."

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Paddy and Mick walking down a street in London. Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye.

The sign said, 'Suits 5.00 each, Shirts 2.00 each, Trousers 2.50 per pair'.

Paddy says to his pal, 'When we get back to Ireland , we could make a feckin' fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best English accent.'

Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will.' says Mick.

They go in and Paddy says, 'I'll take 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at 2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each. I'll back up my truck and .....' The owner of the shop interrupts, 'You're from Ireland, aren't you?'

'Well...yes,' says a surprised Paddy . 'How der hell d' y' know dat?'

The owner says, 'This is a dry cleaners.'

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An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks.

An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.

"No," replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"

"How'd that happen?" the employee asked.

"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.


Cheers

Billy 8-{) Sorry about the delay, business was calling.