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  1. #1
    6146-B Billy T's Avatar
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    Dec 2004
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    Middle Earth
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    Talking Monday Laughs:...Scots, Nuns, and Little Johnny ............

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    A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks the cost for a tooth extraction.

    “Eighty-five pounds, sir" was the dentist's reply.

    "Och, have ye nay got anything cheaper," replies the Scot.

    "But that's the normal charge for an extraction," said the dentist.

    "Ah, weel, pain's no a problem so wha' aboot if ye dinnay use any anaesthetic," asks the Scotsman hopefully.

    "Well, it's highly unusual sir, could be quite painful, but if that's what you want, I suppose I could do it for 70 pounds."

    The Scotsman scratches his chin a while.

    "Hmmmm, I said I'm no carin' aboot a wee bit o' pain, so what aboot if ye used one o' yer dentist trainees and still wi' no anaesthetic?"

    The dentist replied, "Well it's possible but they are only training and I can't guarantee their level of professionalism and it will certainly be a lot more painful. However, in that case I could bring the price down to 40 pounds."

    "Och, tha's still a tad too much for me purse. I'll tell yer what, man. How aboot if ye make it a training session and have yer student do the extraction without anaesthetic and the other students standin' aroond watchin' and learnin'" said the Scotsman hopefully.

    "Errr, well, OK," said the dentist. " It'll be good for the students I suppose. Under those circumstances, I think I could bring the price down to just ten pounds."

    "Now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal", said the Scot.

    "Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday?"

    *********************************


    A Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question:

    "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?"

    Sally raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

    "Why do you think it's your hands, Sally? asked the Nun

    Sally replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."

    "What a wonderful answer!" the Nun said. "You sweet girl".

    Little Johnny then raised his hand and said, "Please Sister, I think it's your feet."

    The Nun stared at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, tell us all Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"

    Johnny, excited that he had been invited to offer an idea to the class, jumped up and said:

    "Well, I went into Mommy and Daddy's room the other night and Mum had her legs straight up in the air and she was shouting, "Oh! God, I'm coming, I'm coming!"

    "If Dad hadn't been pinning her down, I reckon we'd have lost her."

    The Nun fainted!

    *********************************


    An American, a Japanese and a Chinese went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted.

    When they came upon a small lake, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water, since it was fairly secluded.

    Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom."

    As they were crossing an open area, suddenly a group of ladies from town appeared.

    Unable to get to their clothes in time, the American and the Japanese quickly used their hands to cover their privates.

    But the Chinese covered his face while they ran for cover.

    After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on.

    The American and the Japanese asked the Chinese why he covered his face rather than his private parts.

    The Chinese replied, "I don't know about you, but in my country, it's the face that people recognise."

    *********************************


    Little Johnny was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed Policeman and said, "I've lost my Grandad!"

    The Policeman asked, "What's your Grandad like?"

    Little Johnny hesitated for a moment and then replied:

    "Glenfiddich whisky and hot women with big bazookas."


    Cheers

    Billy 8-{)
    Some days it's not even worth chewing through my restraints!

  2. #2
    curmudgeon
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    431

    Default Re: Monday Laughs:...Scots, Nuns, and Little Johnny ............

    An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas.

    Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

    Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”

    Margaret looked him over, “Nope.”

    Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

    Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”

    Margaret looked up and exclaimed, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow!”

    Furious, Bert yelled,

    “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?”

    “Nope,” she replied.

    “IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!”

    Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, “Shoulda bought a hat, Bert, shoulda bought a hat.”

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