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  1. #1
    6146-B Billy T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Middle Earth

    Talking Monday Laughs:....Aging,.....Little Johnny again, and Life..........


    A very old woman realises that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world.

    After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart, but not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of her heart.

    He tells her that her heart is located two inches below the left nipple.

    The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim, then shoots herself in the left knee.


    Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.

    Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?"

    Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

    They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on.

    Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...."

    Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

    "Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.

    Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, tell me, is there baseball in Heaven?"

    "Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."

    "Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

    Abe says, "yes, there is baseball in Heaven."

    Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?"

    Abe sighs and whispers, "You're down for pitching on Friday."


    Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel.

    One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"

    Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"


    Remember Folks: Life is like a roll of toilet paper...........

    The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes..

    You just might want to pass this along....


    Billy 8-{)
    Some days it's not even worth chewing through my restraints!

  2. #2
    Awaiting Enlightenment R2x1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    North Shore.

    Default Re: Monday Laughs:....Aging,.....Little Johnny again, and Life..........

    Little Johnny was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the England Football team as the boy firmly believes they are not capable of beating anyone.
    Entropy is not what
    it used to be.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2014

    Default Re: Monday Laughs:....Aging,.....Little Johnny again, and Life..........

    These are the best moments of the life.

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