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  1. #1
    6146-B Billy T's Avatar
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    Talking Monday Laughs..........Ode to Spring, the Blind, the Brave, and a load of Bull.......

    .
    .
    .

    Spring has sprung,
    the grass has ris,
    I wonder where the boidies is?

    They say the boids is on the wing,
    but that's absurd,
    of course, because,
    de wing is on de boid!

    *********************************


    My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!
    "Blow this," I thought, "I can get one cheaper off the web."

    ----oOo----

    Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

    ----oOo----

    I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance for her,
    so I gave her a good shove.

    ----oOo----

    I start a new job in Seoul next week.
    I thought it was a good Korea move.

    ----oOo----

    I was driving this morning when I saw an AA Service van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.

    I thought to myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown."

    ----oOo----

    On holiday recently in Spain, I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor'

    - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'

    *********************************


    Geriatric's Golf

    Beverly is 90 years old. She's played golf every day since her retirement twenty-five years ago. One day she arrives home looking sad.

    "That's it," she tells her husband, Gus, "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where it went."

    Her husband makes her a cup of tea, and says, "Why don't you take me with you and give it one more try."

    "That's no good" sighs Beverly, "you're a hundred and three. You can't help."

    "I may be a ninety-three", says Gus, "but my eyesight is perfect."

    So the next day Beverly heads off to the golf course with her Gus. She tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.

    She turns to the husband and says, "Did you see the ball?"

    "Of course I did!" replied Gus, "I have perfect eyesight".

    "Where did it go?" says Beverly.

    "I don't remember."

    *********************************

    A farmer goes halves with a friend to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. A couple of weeks later the friend comes by to see how his investment is doing.

    The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't look at the cows. His friend suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull and the following
    week he returns to see if the vet helped.

    The farmer looks delighted: "The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even serviced all my neighbor's cows!

    "Wow," says his friend, "what did the vet do to that bull?"

    "Just gave him some pills'" said the farmer.

    "What kind of pills?" asked his friend.

    "I don't know" said the farmer, "but they sort of taste like peppermint."

    *********************************


    I was listening to the radio this morning when the Host invited callers to reveal the nicknames they had for their wives:

    The best call was from the brave chap who called his wife "Harvey Norman"

    He explained:.......“Absolutely zero interest for 36 months”


    Cheers

    Billy 8-{)
    Some days it's not even worth chewing through my restraints!

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs..........Ode to Spring, the Blind, the Brave, and a load of Bull...

    Love them Billy

  3. #3
    Slipping into Madness lordnoddy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs..........Ode to Spring, the Blind, the Brave, and a load of Bull...

    Brilliant as usual. I know it's Monday =D
    Don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes... that way when you do judge them you're a mile away... and you have THEIR shoes!

  4. #4
    Senior Member Gobe1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs..........Ode to Spring, the Blind, the Brave, and a load of Bull...

    Awesome thanks Billy
    Multiplayer games are the Shizz "Theres nothing like killing your mates!" Me

  5. #5
    Soaring like an Eagle gary67's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs..........Ode to Spring, the Blind, the Brave, and a load of Bull...

    Thanks Billy

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