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  1. #1
    6146-B Billy T's Avatar
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    Talking Monday Laughs:.. BLACK BLACK BLACK... OI OI OI !!! & Little Johnny as a chaser....

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    AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE .....Oh God...NOOOoooooo!!!



    Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby, but very sadly it was born without ears.

    When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby.

    Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

    His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the hiding of his life when they came back home.

    Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.

    When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

    The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie."

    Johnnie said, "he has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

    "Yes," the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."


    "That's great", said Little Johnnie, "coz he'd be really in the shlt if he needed glasses."

    *********************************


    They always ask at the doctor's reception why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients..................


    A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

    The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

    'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

    The receptionist became annoyed and said, 'You shouldn't say things like that in a crowded waiting room.'

    'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

    The Receptionist replied; 'Well, now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

    The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone. He then walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

    The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'

    'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

    The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

    'I'm having trouble pissing out of it,' he replied.

    Mess with seniors and you're going to lose!

    *********************************


    Pest Control

    A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company.. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

    'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

    The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet..

    'Who are you?' he asked him..

    'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.

    'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked..

    'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.

    'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.

    The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards! That's what I call a serious infestation!'

    *********************************


    A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were in a discussion during a dinner.

    Catholic: I have a large fortune....I am going to buy Citibank!

    Protestant: I am very wealthy and will buy General Motors!

    Muslim: I am a fabulously rich prince.... I intend to purchase Apple!

    They then all wait for the Jew to speak....

    The Jew stirs his coffee, places the spoon neatly on the table, takes a sip of his coffee, looks at them and casually says:

    I'm not selling!!!...



    Cheers

    Billy 8-{)


    Le Blues va mourir sur Eden Park
    Some days it's not even worth chewing through my restraints!

  2. #2
    Senior Member Bobh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs:.. BLACK BLACK BLACK... OI OI OI !!! & Little Johnny as a chaser

    Makes my Monday.
    Windows 10 Home 64-bit, Intel Core i3 540 3.07GHz, 8 GB Dual-Channel DDR3, Gigabyte H55-USB3, Nvidia Geforce GTS 450, Hauppauge WinTV-HVR-3300

  3. #3
    Rocket Dog WalOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs:.. BLACK BLACK BLACK... OI OI OI !!! & Little Johnny as a chaser

    Good ones, as always
    I have very high hopes that seriousness is a reversible condition.

    Dr Lester Levy


    I've studied deeply in the philosophies and religions, but cheerfulness kept breaking through.

    Leonard Cohen

  4. #4
    Senior Member Gobe1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs:.. BLACK BLACK BLACK... OI OI OI !!! & Little Johnny as a chaser

    haha awesome
    cheers Billy
    Multiplayer games are the Shizz "Theres nothing like killing your mates!" Me

  5. #5
    Soaring like an Eagle gary67's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs:.. BLACK BLACK BLACK... OI OI OI !!! & Little Johnny as a chaser

    Brilliant again thanks Billy

  6. #6
    Senior Member Gobe1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs:.. BLACK BLACK BLACK... OI OI OI !!! & Little Johnny as a chaser

    Getting a good run of jokes lately

    Marriage Scarier Than Hell


    A few minutes before the church services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking.

    Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

    Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

    Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

    So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The old man replied, "Yep, sure do."

    Aren't you afraid of me? Satan asked.

    "Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

    "Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.

    "Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.

    "Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

    "Yep, " was the calm reply.

    "And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.

    "Nope."

    More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

    The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
    Multiplayer games are the Shizz "Theres nothing like killing your mates!" Me

  7. #7
    Computer "Specialist" Agent_24's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs:.. BLACK BLACK BLACK... OI OI OI !!! & Little Johnny as a chaser

    Non-system disk or disk error. Replace and strike any key when ready.

  8. #8
    IT Consultant johcar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs:.. BLACK BLACK BLACK... OI OI OI !!! & Little Johnny as a chaser

    Piri Weepu ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
    Piri Weepu destroyed the periodic table because Piri Weepu only recognises the element of surprise...
    Piri Weepu can touch MC Hammer
    Some people wear Superman pyjamas. Superman wears Piri Weepu pyjamas.
    It takes Piri Weepu 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
    If you spell Piri Weepu in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
    Piri Weepu can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
    Piri Weepu doesnt wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
    In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Piri Weepu could use to kill you, including the room itself.
    Piri Weepu and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
    Piri Weepu uses a night light. Not because Piri Weepu is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Piri Weepu.
    Piri Weepu is the reason why Wally is hiding.
    Google won't search for Piri Weepu because it knows you don't find Piri Weepu, he finds you.

    It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. -William G. McAdoo, lawyer and politician (1863-1941)

  9. #9
    Senior Member Gobe1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs:.. BLACK BLACK BLACK... OI OI OI !!! & Little Johnny as a chaser

    haha good one Johcar
    Multiplayer games are the Shizz "Theres nothing like killing your mates!" Me

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