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  1. #1
    6146-B Billy T's Avatar
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    Talking Monday Laughs.........A religious theme (I saw the error of my ways).........

    The Donation:

    Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'

    'It is!'

    'This is the Inland Revenue Department. Can you help us with an enquiry regarding one of your parishioners?'

    'I can!'

    'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'

    'I do!'

    'Is he a member of your congregation?'

    'He is!'

    'Did he donate $10,000 to your Church?'

    'He will.'

    *********************************


    The Confession:

    An elderly man walks into a confessional.

    The following conversation ensues:

    Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two hitch-hiking college girls. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

    Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

    Man: 'What sins?'

    Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

    Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

    Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

    Man: 'I'm 92 years old ..... I'm telling everybody!'

    *********************************


    The Choice:

    An old lady dies and goes to heaven.

    She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.

    'Don't worry about that,' says St. Peter, 'It's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for the wings.'

    The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.

    Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams. 'Oh my God,' says the old lady, 'now what is happening?'

    'Not to worry,' says St. Peter, 'She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo.'

    'I can't do this,' says the old lady, 'I'm going to hell.'

    'You can't go there,' says St. Peter, 'You'll be raped and taken advantage of.'

    'Maybe so,' says the old lady, 'but I've already got the holes for that...'

    ********************************

    The Visitation:

    God visited a man and told him he must give up smoking, drinking and sex if he wants to get into heaven.....

    The man said he would try his best.

    God visited the man a week later to see how he was getting on.

    "Not bad" said the man, "I've given up smoking and drinking but when the wife bent over the lounge suite and I caught sight of her long slender legs, I pulled her skirt up, pulled her knickers to one side and gave her one right there ".

    "They don't like that in heaven", said God......

    The man replied:

    "They were not too happy about it in Harvey Norman's either!"

    ********************************


    The Reality:

    Police in London found a bomb outside a mosque....

    They told the public not to panic as they'd managed to push it back inside.



    Cheers

    Billy 8-{)
    Some days it's not even worth chewing through my restraints!

  2. #2
    Soaring like an Eagle gary67's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs.........A religious theme (I saw the error of my ways).........


  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs.........A religious theme (I saw the error of my ways).........

    Quote Originally Posted by gary67 View Post
    You think they are funny do you gary, rather pathetic I thought.

  4. #4
    Unknown Device wratterus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs.........A religious theme (I saw the error of my ways).........

    Great jokes today Billy, thanks.
    Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

  5. #5
    Insane Bozo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs.........A religious theme (I saw the error of my ways).........

    Quote Originally Posted by Safari View Post
    You think they are funny do you gary, rather pathetic I thought.
    Go moan somewhere else...

    Thanks again Billy, love the Monday laughs
    Quote Originally Posted by Cicero View Post
    Thats a good idea,and everybody should be whipped if they disagree.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cicero View Post
    We like to live on the edge.

  6. #6
    Awaiting Enlightenment R2x1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs.........A religious theme (I saw the error of my ways).........

    The best joke is Safari claiming " I thought ".
    Entropy is not what
    it used to be.



  7. #7
    Senior Member
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs.........A religious theme (I saw the error of my ways).........

    Quote Originally Posted by R2x1 View Post
    The best joke is Safari claiming " I thought ".
    I like that one, you have a talent R2 and I think you should take over Monday Laughs

  8. #8
    Awaiting Enlightenment R2x1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs.........A religious theme (I saw the error of my ways).........

    Not taking anything over is the greatest of my talents.
    Entropy is not what
    it used to be.



  9. #9
    Awaiting Enlightenment R2x1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs.........A religious theme (I saw the error of my ways).........

    MAJOR UNEMPLOYMENT

    Apple workers lose Jobs.
    Entropy is not what
    it used to be.



  10. #10
    VoidMaster
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    Default Re: Monday Laughs.........A religious theme (I saw the error of my ways).........

    Har Har
    It's not the least charm of a theory that it is refutable. The hundred-times-refuted theory of "free will" owes its persistence to this charm alone; some one is always appearing who feels himself strong enough to refute it - Friedrich Nietzsche

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