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Thread: Smile Monday

  1. #1
    Frank and Earnest. Cicero's Avatar
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    Default Smile Monday

    A REDNECK LOVE POEM

    SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
    SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
    SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,
    SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

    PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,
    YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
    I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
    BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

    SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
    AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
    BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
    HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.'

    YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
    AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.
    BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
    I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

    BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
    JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
    MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;
    YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.
    ***************************
    (Kinda brings a tear to yer eye, don't it?)
    "The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living." Cicero

  2. #2
    Frank and Earnest. Cicero's Avatar
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    Default Re: Smile Monday

    Some 'dirtbag' in Polk County Florida who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop ended up 'executing' the deputy who stopped him.



    The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range.



    Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed.



    A state wide manhunt ensued.

    The low-life was found hiding in a wooded area with his gun. SWAT team officers open fired and hit the guy 68 times.


    Now here's the kicker: Naturally, the media went nuts and asked why they shot him 68 times...





    >







    Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd, told the Orlando Sentinel:







    >



    ’Because that's all the ammunition we had!!'
    "The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living." Cicero

  3. #3
    Modulator Greg's Avatar
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    Default Re: Smile Monday

    Rednecks?

    If you're in a bar and someone yell's "ho down" and your girlfriend hits the floor, you may just be a redneck.

    If your house has wheels and your truck doesn't, you may just be a redneck.

    If Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction, you may just be a redneck.

    If you and your dog use the same tree you may just be a redneck.

    If you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took, you may just be a redneck.

    If your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade, you may just be a redneck.
    Bugger the cancer. I'm suffering from terminal inertia.

  4. #4
    Frank and Earnest. Cicero's Avatar
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    Default Re: Smile Monday

    The haircut

    One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied,

    "I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week."

    The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

    Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied,

    "I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week."

    The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

    Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied,

    "I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week."

    The M..P. was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen M.P.s lined up waiting for a free haircut.

    And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
    "The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living." Cicero

  5. #5
    Frank and Earnest. Cicero's Avatar
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    Default Re: Smile Monday

    Three men
    - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and an

    Aussie are all walking together one day..

    They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

    'I will give each of you one
    wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.

    The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever
    fertile in Canada '

    POOF!
    With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in
    Canada was forever fertile for farming.

    Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Pakistan , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land.'

    POOF!
    Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there
    was a huge wall around those countries.

    The Aussie says, 'I am very curious..

    Please tell me more about this wall.'

    The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 5oo feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out;

    it's virtually impenetrable.'

    The Aussie sits down on his Harley , cracks a beer, lights a cigarette,smiles and
    says,

    'Fill the f*cker with water.'

    I pretty
    much vote this my favorite email of the
    year.
    "The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living." Cicero

  6. #6
    Bleakly Optomistic
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    Default Re: Smile Monday

    Quote Originally Posted by Cicero View Post
    Three men
    - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and an

    Aussie are all walking together one day..

    They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

    'I will give each of you one
    wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.

    The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever
    fertile in Canada '

    POOF!
    With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in
    Canada was forever fertile for farming.

    Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Pakistan , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land.'

    POOF!
    Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there
    was a huge wall around those countries.

    The Aussie says, 'I am very curious..

    Please tell me more about this wall.'

    The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 5oo feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out;

    it's virtually impenetrable.'

    The Aussie sits down on his Harley , cracks a beer, lights a cigarette,smiles and
    says,

    'Fill the f*cker with water.'

    I pretty
    much vote this my favorite email of the
    year.
    But, who was the F*cker? Obviously not the wall, since that isn't capable of the act.

  7. #7
    Awaiting Enlightenment R2x1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Smile Monday

    Refer to the Strine Dictionary.
    Entropy is not what
    it used to be.



  8. #8
    Frank and Earnest. Cicero's Avatar
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    Default Re: Smile Monday

    Quote Originally Posted by R2x1 View Post
    Refer to the Strine Dictionary.
    I think the Strine dictionary will will not suffice in that quarter.

    Or anything else for that matter.
    "The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living." Cicero

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