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View Full Version : Not fitting in or conforming to life....



beetle
01-02-2006, 08:47 AM
I Don't Fit In

A friend of mine witnessed what I am about to tell you.

Several years ago, a well-dressed older gentleman entered an elevator in a tall office building; apparently consumed with whatever business he was taking care of that day.

It was mid-afternoon of the work day, and there were only three people on that elevator -- the gentleman, a middle-aged woman and my friend - all being transported down to the street level.

Out of the blue, the woman starts crying. Taken aback, the gentleman and my friend didn't know what to say or do.

"I'm sorry. I'm making a spectacle of myself," said the woman, sobbing and searching her purse for a handkerchief. The gentleman offered her his.

"Thank you," she said, "I just don't know anymore. I'm usually not like this, but I just don't know anymore."

"I'm sure everything will turn out fine -- don't you worry, Miss," he said.

"No. No. It's not that. I have so much to be grateful for," she said as she shook her head. "It's not what you think."

Not wanting to pry, her elevator mates stood speechless.

"It's just that I don't fit in. I've never fit in. I do everything I'm supposed to do, but I don't feel like I belong," she said, wiping the tears from her eyes.

The elevator continued its downward journey as the distraught woman tried to compose herself.

"I'm so embarrassed. You'll have to pardon me. Things have just caught up to me," she said.

"Miss, I have something I want to tell you, if you have just a minute," the old man said. The elevator opened as they reached the lobby.

"Oh yes, please, I need to get my mind focused on something," she said.

They left the elevator and walked into the busy lobby. The old man turned to my friend, and invited him to join them. By this time, my friend's curiosity had got the best of him.

The old man's face had some well-worn lines. His gray hair bespoke of his experience, and his dark eyes peered over his bifocals, lending confidence to his words.

"I don't know what your situation is Ma'am," he said politely. "However, I was in the same boat many years ago. And while I was in my little personal crisis, I felt the same way. Moreover, I came to find out that everyone, sooner or later, feels like they don't fit in."

"Sometimes it happens early in life in school. Teenagers are thrown together with strangers and told to fit in. It's almost an impossible situation. Then, the same thing happens at work, or with your neighbors at home. You always feel like you are the odd man out. Everyone else seems to be happy. They look comfortable. They look like they belong, and you always feel like you are an intrusion. I know all about that," said the old man.

"I know exactly what you're saying," the woman said as she nodded in agreement.

"A lot of people avoid those feelings by limiting contact. Watching television, or reading books, or sitting in front of a computer provides a comfort zone, and if you can afford to do that, I suppose that's fine if that's what you want to do. However, for many of us, the real world cannot be escaped. We have to work. We have to make a living. And we have to interact with relatives and strangers in settings everyday. And, Ma'am, this is what I want to tell you..."

"You see it's all in how you look at it. Some people face those feelings and settings with a sense of adventure. Others face the same situation with dread. Yes, we all have different personalities and some of us are more sensitive and vulnerable than others. However, if you can remember just a couple of things, it will make your life a whole lot easier," he said.

"Do you work in this building?" he asked.

"Yes," she said.

"Well, this is my first time here and I had no idea where I was going, and had never met the person I was going to see. Now, who is the one who feels like they don't fit in?" he asked. "But, somehow, I got through it, and I'll be walking out that front door in a minute without a scratch." She and my friend chuckled.

"You can safely assume that the people you are interacting with feel as out of place as you do. So, you simply practice the Golden Rule and make them feel as comfortable as you can. They don't teach the Golden Rule in school, so this is something you have to pick up along the way. Suffice it to say, if you make others feel comfortable, they will reciprocate."

"Second, remember that in order to sense that feeling of belonging, you have to feel you belong to yourself. In other words, if you aren't settled and comfortable with yourself first, you'll be a fish out of water. Be confident about what you believe. Be true to your feelings. You don't have to pretend to be someone else. Just be yourself and let the world appreciate what you have to offer. Everyone is good at something, including you. Offer what you are good at, and who knows, maybe the world might even pay you for it!" the old man said as he started to laugh.

"You're not alone," he said as he patted the woman's shoulder. "Don't go nuts trying to force yourself to fit in. There are too many holes and too many pegs out there to even try. Just have a little faith in yourself, associate with people who lift you up, and you'll soon find folks coming to you for help. And when you get lost in helping them, you won't even think about fitting in. At that point, you won't be looking at life, you'll be a part of it."

"Oh, thank you," she said, as the old man walked toward the street. My friend just stood there, not saying a word.

At that split second of awkwardness, the woman and my friend extended their hands and shook. "Nice to meet you," they both said at the same time. And then, just as quickly and simultaneously, they said, "Have a nice day," as they both went in different directions.

While they never knew each other's names, it was a flash encounter they would never forget.




Well..........................

:dogeye:
beetle

Metla
01-02-2006, 08:53 AM
Didn't they do the jiggly?

Ah well.

Blaze your own trail, Can't say I have ever considered the notion of "fitting in" anyware, As it is I'm pretty sure the entire world was created purely for my entertainment.

beetle
01-02-2006, 08:56 AM
.......................... takes all sorts i spose............... :(








beetle

Poppa John
01-02-2006, 09:38 AM
Didn't they do the jiggly?

Ah well.

Blaze your own trail, Can't say I have ever considered the notion of "fitting in" anyware, As it is I'm pretty sure the entire world was created purely for my entertainment.


You're a bloody hard case Metla !!!!! PJ :D

drcspy
01-02-2006, 10:53 AM
not quite the same but along the lines of..........

I was a rebel from the day I left school,
grew my hair long and broke all the rules
I'd sit and listen to my records all day,
with big ambitions of where I could play

My parents taught me what life was about,
so I grew up the type they warned me about
They said my friends were just an unruly mob,
and I should get a haircut and get a real job

Get a haircut and get a real job,
clean your act up and don't be a slob
Get it together like your big brother bob,
why don't you get a haircut and get a real job

I even tried that 9 to 5 scene,
I told myself that it was all a bad dream
I found a band and some good songs to play,
and now I party all night, I sleep all day

I met this chick she was my No. 1 fan,
she took me home to meet her mommy and dad
They took one look at me and said, "Oh my god",
get a haircut and get a real job

Get a real job, why don't you get a real job
Get a real job, why don't you get a real job

I hit the big time with my rock 'n' roll band,
the future's brighter now than I'd ever planned
I'm ten times richer than my big brother bob,
and he, he's got a haircut he's got a real job

Greven
01-02-2006, 12:40 PM
Song lyrics just aren't the same.

pctek
01-02-2006, 01:13 PM
Just remember sheep fit in. What happens to sheep?

Myth
01-02-2006, 01:32 PM
As Metla says.. blaze your own trail.

Hell I don't think I have 'fit in' since the day I was born.. I put it down to my individuality.

The best thing I can think of now is a Twisted Sister song title...
"I Am, I'm Me"

WE are who we are.. can't be someone else... we just have to find what suits our way :D

Each to there own

Graham L
01-02-2006, 01:40 PM
Society works on the precision engineering motto: "everything fits if you've got a big enough hammer". :badpc:

Metla
01-02-2006, 01:42 PM
The best thing I can think of now is a Twisted Sister song title...
"I Am, I'm Me"




Heh, Exactly the song that popped into my head when I read the thread.

I am, Im me, and I'll win, You'll seee.

I AM, Im MEeeeee.


Muhahahahaha.

Not a bad song for bubble gum metal circa 1983.....

Metla
01-02-2006, 01:49 PM
I AM: I'M ME
WHO ARE YOU TO LOOK DOWN
AT WHAT I BELIEVE?
I'M ON TO YOUR THINKING
AND HOW YOU DECEIVE
WELL, YOU CAN'T ABUSE ME
I WON'T STAND NO MORE
YES, I KNOW THE REASONS
YES, I KNOW THE SCORE

I AM, AND I'LL BE
I WILL, YOU'LL SEE
I AM, AND I'LL BE
I AM: I'M ME

HOW I TRIED TO PLEASE YOU
LIVE THE WAY YOU SAID
DO THE THINGS THAT YOU DO
LIKE THE LIVING DEAD
THEN THE TRUTH IT HIT ME
GOT ME OFF MY KNEES
IT'S MY LIFE I'M LIVING
I'LL LIVE AS I PLEASE

I AM, AND I'LL BE
I WILL, YOU'LL SEE
I AM, AND I'LL BE
I AM: I'M ME

NOW'S THE TIME TO STAND TALL
START YOUR LIFE ANEW
FREEDOM LIES IN YOUR HEART
NOW'S THE TIME FOR YOU

I AM, AND I'LL BE
I WILL, YOU'LL SEE
I AM, AND I'LL BE
I AM: I'M ME
I AM, I'M ME
I AM, I'M ME
CAN'T YOU SEE?, CAN'T YOU SEE?
I'M ME, I'M ME, ME, ME, ME, ME
I AM: I'M ME
I AM: I'M ME
CAN'T YOU SEE?, CAN'T YOU SEE?
I'M ME, I'M ME, I'M ME
I AM: I'M ME
I AM: I'M ME
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M ME
I'M ME, I'M ME, LOOK AT ME
I AM: I'M ME
I AM: I'M ME

Cicero
01-02-2006, 01:50 PM
Communicate with the husband,I would say.
Difficult to detach oneself from ideas that pop into the head sometimes.
But learn to we must.

Metla
01-02-2006, 01:51 PM
ahhhhhhh.....I can feel the strength course through me just from reading the lyrics and remembering the beat of the song.

Nothing refreshes like a good metal identity thumper.

beetle
01-02-2006, 02:23 PM
Why communicate with the husband is the option Thomas????

:waughh:

who said it was a husband prob..... maybe i missed something...... where is that magnifying glass...:p


beetle

pctek
01-02-2006, 03:19 PM
Why communicate with the husband is the option Thomas????

beetle
:D Oh look a sentence with communicate and husband in the same sentence. :D

Cicero
01-02-2006, 03:22 PM
:D Oh look a sentence with communicate and husband in the same sentence. :D
Sorry Beet and PC,I know it's a contradiction in terms.
I withdraw all reference. ;)

beetle
01-02-2006, 03:23 PM
LOL

well just as well i dont usually do either........... :lol: communicate or do the husband....:p what were you thinking....


i cant beleive i allowed that to come out of the mouth.....

:lol:


beetle :D

Jen
01-02-2006, 04:10 PM
Life is an adventure Beets, with lots of bumps in the road. Just be true to yourself and don't try to be something you are not. Worry less too!

Signed: square peg / round hole :p

beetle
01-02-2006, 04:15 PM
worry less..........................how does one do that???????

:waughh:




:rolleyes: yeah right

beetle

Shortcircuit
01-02-2006, 05:59 PM
Prozac works wonders... just remember: if you won Lotto you'd probably spend your days worrying about all that money, so right now you should be grateful that you have a lot less to worry about :D

Signed: round peg in a square hole

Metla
01-02-2006, 06:19 PM
How to worry less?

Alcohol.


Signed- The hammer that doesn't care what shape the peg,nor the shape of the hole.


Muhahahahahaha.

FoxyMX
01-02-2006, 07:12 PM
worry less..........................how does one do that???????

Easy..... work on your stress management:


Stress management technique:

Just in case you've had a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts. The funny thing is that it really works.

1) Picture yourself near a stream.

2) Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool, mountain air.

3) No one but you knows your secret place.

4) You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called "the world."

5) The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

6) The water is crystal clear.

7) You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding under the water.

:D :D :D

Cicero
01-02-2006, 07:26 PM
Why Worry?

There are only two things in life to worry about:

Whether you are well or whether you are sick.

If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about.

But if you are sick, there are only two things to worry about:

Whether you are going to get well or whether you are going to die.

If you get well, then there is nothing to worry about.

But if you die, there are only two things to worry about:

Whether you are going to go to heaven or whether you are going to go to hell.

If you go to heaven, then you have nothing to worry about.

But if you go to hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with all your friends, that you won't have time to worry!

So, Why Worry?

Be Happy

beetle
01-02-2006, 08:58 PM
Now i like that idea Mum................. but cant be bothered to do time for something like that, its just not worth it...... :lol:

Theres more to life that wearing the same clothes as everyone else, a tiny pocket of a room and crappy food....... :lol:


beetle :waughh:

Terry Porritt
01-02-2006, 09:04 PM
I find going bush with the dog works wonders.

Cicero
02-02-2006, 04:55 AM
I find going bush with the dog works wonders.
As an ex public servant T,I would have thought you wouldn't know what stress was? ;)

netchicken
02-02-2006, 06:16 AM
Sigh .. I hate it when these little sacherine platatude stories mask themselves as real events.

Beetle, this did NOT happen as you said. Here is acopy from 2001 http://archive.mail-list.com/heartwarmers/msg00856.html just another net myth.

Still as a story trhere is nothing wrong with it, it has sentiments that I totally agree with, there is no uniform mass of people to fit in with. Its an illusion and a predominant teenage obsession. Just a mass of people trying to find their way in the world and cope with life as best they can.

Terry Porritt
02-02-2006, 07:02 AM
As an ex public servant T,I would have thought you wouldn't know what stress was? ;)

You wouldn't belive how stressful it can be, not having access anymore to free paper clips and a desk diary, let alone hearing Don Brash at Orewa rabbiting on about Labour, when it was National that introduced uncontrolled immigration, and the corrupt system of bribery payments to get into the country.

Remember it was Bolger who declared NZ to be part of Asia, and it was an ex-National MP, Malcom, former immigration minister, who was a forerunner in the so-called Immigration Consultancy industry.

Cicero
02-02-2006, 07:36 AM
You wouldn't belive how stressful it can be, not having access anymore to free paper clips and a desk diary, let alone hearing Don Brash at Orewa rabbiting on about Labour, when it was National that introduced uncontrolled immigration, and the corrupt system of bribery payments to get into the country.

Remember it was Bolger who declared NZ to be part of Asia, and it was an ex-National MP, Malcom, former immigration minister, who was a forerunner in the so-called Immigration Consultancy industry.
You will always quote the past.
We are well aware of the twerps that governed us in the past,Muldoon Bolger etc,but this is now and it is onward and upward.
One must apologise for reminding you of those good old days ,when you had access to all your perks,it must indeed be depressing when reminded.

beetle
02-02-2006, 08:16 AM
Netchicken??????? No offence but.....
I never said it was me, i never said it was true.........i just thought right at that moment i posted it, it was how i felt............I copied and pasted and forgot to copyright it.....so yeah...
So what its plastered all over the net, i dont give rats bum about that, i felt something and that why i did it. :rolleyes:

It is sometimes just nice to post things, that others may conect to......or have felt, its like creating a bond, a friendship.

and its amazing at what something like me posting these sort of things brings out in people............i now have some really new neat pf1 friends Who CARE............
so it was worth i. :D
to make myself look like a bigger idiot than i already am i spose..

:p

Thanxs everyone

one loopy beetle signing off...:p

Terry Porritt
02-02-2006, 08:51 AM
...One must apologise for reminding you of those good old days ,when you had access to all your perks,it must indeed be depressing when reminded.....

[Excuse us beetle whilst cic and I have our digs at each other :) ]

The problem with the Right is that they do indeed conveniently forget the havoc they have wreaked in the past, take Max Bradford and the electricity reforms??

Ah, the good old days indeed. In actual fact there were far more perks when I was working for big business than ever could be obtained in the Civil Service, and the constrictions imposed by the The Public Service Manual

A works credit card and account at a restaurant in Poole for entertaining clients, a telephone card, hop on planes at a moments notice and visit Germany or Italy, bring back Italian wine and Parmesan cheeses, the opportunities were great :)

I had far more spending power allocated to me when I was at English Electric Co. than did the Director of PEL, DSIR 10 years later.

So one was really glad of a few paper clips from time to time :)

Cicero
02-02-2006, 10:02 AM
All right T,I will submit,for the moment. :)