View Full Version : Monday Laughs: Valentines day

Billy T
14-02-2005, 08:05 AM
I couldn't find a Valentines Day joke, so here's one with a marital theme honouring the work of women instead. ;)

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a week. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, at 5:45 A.M. the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the cheque book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1:00 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

He ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out their drinks and snacks and got the kids organised to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 P.M. he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and cut fresh beans for dinner.

After dinner, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 10:30 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily work wasn't yet finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke again at 5:45 A.M. and immediately knelt by the bed and prayed, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife for being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though."

"You got pregnant last night."

(Voted Womens' Favorite Email of the Year)


Billy 8-{) :D

Tom McB
14-02-2005, 09:05 AM
A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!

Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish."

Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive.

So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside, and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. Know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing,", know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"

14-02-2005, 11:07 AM
A short, hot love story

I shall seek and find you...

I shall take you to bed and control you...

I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan...

I will make you beg for mercy...

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave you...

And you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The ‘Flu

What were you thinking...? :D

14-02-2005, 12:37 PM
[FONT=Comic Sans MS]A short, hot love story
What were you thinking...? :D

Linda Blair in The Exorcist actually.