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CYaBro
21-11-2003, 11:01 AM
A guy walks into a bar with an ugly bulldog under his arm. The dog is
wearing a England rugby jersey and is festooned with England pom-poms.
The bartender says, "Hey! No pets are allowed! You'll have to leave."
The guy begs him, "Look, I'm desperate! We're both big fans, the TV's broken
at home, and this is the only place around where we can see the game."
After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that
he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender
relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The big game begins with the poms receiving the kickoff. They march down
field, get stopped at the 22, and kick a penalty goal.
Suddenly, the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the
bar giving high-fives to everyone.
The bartender says, "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've seen! What
does the dog do if they score a try?"

The owner replies, "I don't know, I've only had him for three years."

hagrid
21-11-2003, 11:28 AM
===========================

Q. What's the difference between the All blacks and an arsonist?

A. An arsonist wouldn't waste 5 matches.

============================

The All Blacks are bringing out a new bra! Plenty of support, soft and no CUP!!!

============================

Did you hear that the NZ Post Office has had to recall their latest stamps? They had pictures of the All Blacks players on them. People couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

============================

Did you hear about the Kiwi politician who was found dead in a All Black jersey?

The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment.

============================

Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered."

The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is colour-coded."

The fourth one says, "I prefer New Zealand Rugby players. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and bums are interchangeable."

============================

A man meets a friend and sees that his friend's car is total write-off and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood.

He asks his friend "What's happened to your car?"

"Well," the friend responds, "I ran over Carlos Spencer".

"OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?"

"Well, he tried to escape through the park."

============================

CYaBro
21-11-2003, 11:35 AM
John Mitchell asked Eddie Jones after the Semi Final. "Eddie, I thought
I had the journey planned, how did you beat me ?".

Pretty simple, replied Eddie " I picked my players for their intelligence and asked them just one question".

That simple said Mitchell ?, Yep replied Eddie, pick one of my squad and
see how he does.

Mitchell thinks for a while then nominates Matt Rogers. Eddie calls him
over & asks him, "Who is the child of your Father & of your Mother who
is not your Brother & is not your Sister?"

"Ah simple Eddie", says Matt, "its me". Well done Matty, says Eddie, &
Mitchell is very impressed.

Mitchell returns to the Hotel & wonders about the intelligence of his
team. He calls in Rueben Thorne and says to asks him "Who is the child of your Father & of your Mother who is not your Brother & is not your Sister?"

Rueben thinks & thinks & doesn't know the answer. "Can I think about it
a bit more Mitch & I'll give you an answer tomorrow ?".

Of course, says Mitchell, you've got 24 hours. But it is very important
that you come up with the answer.

Rueben goes away, thinks as hard as he can, & then he calls in his team mates.

Carlos Spencer thought it might be his Grandpa but wasn't sure.

Aaron Mauger was certain that it couldn't be anyone.

Alli Williams refused to answer in case he was sacked for not knowing.

Steve Devine owned up to having failing the test and thats why he had to
come to New Zealand and play for the All Blacks.

Joe Rocofoko thought it would be an Uncle in Fiji who had been adopted
as a child.

Leon McDonald went into the foetal position.

The rest of the team wouldn't even hazard a guess.

20 hours later, Rueben is very worried that he still has no answer with
only 4 hours to go.

Eventually Rueben, thinks I know, I'll ring Merthens he's bloody smart,
he will know the answer.

He phones Merthens. "Merts tell me who is the child of your Father & of
your Mother who is not your Brother & is not your Sister?

Very simple says Merthens, "its me".

Of course, says Rueben and rings Mitchell. "Mitch", I've got the
answer:its Merthens".

"No, you idiot", says Mitchell. "It's Matt Rogers."

aroc
21-11-2003, 12:12 PM
> Of course, says Rueben and rings Mitchell. "Mitch", I've got the
answer:its Merthens".

>"No, you idiot", says Mitchell. "It's Matt Rogers."

:^O :^O

csinclair83
21-11-2003, 01:21 PM
those are really good :))




go pommies :) yes i do want the english to win :-)

CYaBro
21-11-2003, 02:25 PM
Me too and I hope they do it the boring way, with drop goals, so that it will force the IRB to drop the points for a drop goal from 3 to 1 for the future :)

csinclair83
21-11-2003, 02:31 PM
thats only if jhonny is still playing after this world cup

hes being chased by some american football teams for around a $7million a year mark...

(as copied from irb's world cup website)

England's star fly half Jonny Wilkinson could, according to The Sun newspaper in London, double his annual income to more than $7 million if he were to make the switch to American Football.

The Sun claim that scouts have been keeping an eye on Wilkinson with the San Diego Chargers even said to have a man in Australia to watch the 24 year old in action during Rugby World Cup 2003.

American Football experts believe Wilkinson could make the switch because of his concentration under pressure, his attention to detail and ability to hit targets from long range.

(i add i think hes too skinny for the american football...)

Pacifier
21-11-2003, 03:19 PM
Q. Why did John Mitchell wear a pumpkin to the Ball?

A. He thought he would turn into a Coach at midnight

Pacifier
21-11-2003, 03:22 PM
Q. Why did John Mitchell wear a pumpkin to the Ball?

A. He thought he would turn into a Coach at midnight

Baldy
21-11-2003, 05:48 PM
Why couldn't the ABs all come back together? They would have done if they won the cup