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hamstar
16-08-2003, 01:37 AM
you probably heard it already, i dunno.

Q: How many Microsoft Executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 8, 1 to screw in the lightbulb and the other 7 to make sure MS gets $2 for every light bulb in the world that is changed.

:D

Anyone else got some?

beama
16-08-2003, 10:51 AM
If you buy a new car and you are driving it and have an accident because the brakes fail and you have an accident. The car maker will fix it for you. Thank god Bill Gates does not make cars.
sorry Bill

somebody
16-08-2003, 10:58 AM
Why does everyone really enjoy picking on Microsoft....

Mike
16-08-2003, 11:19 AM
> If you buy a new car and you are driving it and have
> an accident because the brakes fail and you have an
> accident. The car maker will fix it for you. Thank
> god Bill Gates does not make cars.
> sorry Bill

Huh? If something is wrong with Microsoft software, Microsoft fixes it for you. You don't (usually) have to pay for that, you just download the patch and away you go again. What's your point here?

I'm sick of all this microsoft bashing. I do hope all the MS-bashers are people who don't use MS products - there are always alternatives, why don't you use them?

That's my gripe for the day. Have a good one.

Mike.

Smithie 38
16-08-2003, 11:39 AM
Hi folks. Lets keep this thread for funnies. Here is my contribution:


On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."
**************************

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************

At a Proctologist's door
"To expedite your visit please back in."
**************************

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************

On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
**************************

Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
**************************

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**************************

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************

At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
**************************

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

**************************
At a Propane Filling Station,
"Tank heaven for little grills."
**************************

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

-=JM=-
16-08-2003, 11:44 AM
I'd like to see a car manufacturer do that actually. It's not their fault that you never maintained (patched) your car.

j.harper
16-08-2003, 12:28 PM
Thanks Smithie 38 - I really enjoyed those
Jay

PoWa
16-08-2003, 12:50 PM
HOW THE GOVERNMENT WORKS

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrapyard in the middle of a desert

The Government said, "Someone may steal from the scrapyard at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then the Government said, "How can the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a Planning Department and hired two people; one person to write the job description and one person to do time studies.

Then the Government said, "How will we know the night watchman is performing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people; one to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then the Government said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a Time Keeper, and a Payroll Officer; then hired two more people.

Then the Government said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an Administrative Section and hired three people; an Administrative Officer, an Assistant Administrative Officer and a Legal Secretary.

Then the Government said, "We have had this organization in operation for only one year and we are $18,000 over budget; we must cut back our overall costs."

So they laid off the night watchman.

agent
16-08-2003, 12:51 PM
As per Mike, I'm sick of seeing people taking stabs at Microsoft. You should, by now, have your own impression of what Microsoft's software is like. So if you think it's bad, go to Apple or *nix.

I mean really, Microsoft hardly ever charges money to get updates. You've got all the updates available at http://windowsupdate.microsoft.com and http://www.microsoft.com/security and http://download.microsoft.com and http://office.microsoft.com - all free to download, except for any costs involved in downloading the updates, like your ISP bill.

So, I ask you: how the hell did you get the idea that Microsoft charges you money for all those free updates? I suppose you probably counted Windows ME as fix for Windows 98, or something like that - but it's not, they are completely different operating systems, despite looking and feeling the same.

stu140103
16-08-2003, 01:17 PM
> I suppose you probably counted Windows ME as
> fix for Windows 98, or something like that - but it's
> not, they are completely different operating systems,
> despite looking and feeling the same.

I agree with agent :)

Graham L
16-08-2003, 05:02 PM
They're big. They're ugly. They've got more money than me.
:D

But I agree. I don't like their software. I use it as little as I can. But it's pointless having an argument about it. It quickly degenerates into a slanging match, and we've seen too many of those.

Microsoft is a fact of life. It's like politicians, lawyers, merchant "bankers", power companies, and all those other parasitic life forms which seem to be inevitable. :_|

fergie
16-08-2003, 05:04 PM
I thought i had to add this (just make sure you at least read bottom one!)
*******************
Computers are like air conditioners: they stop working properly when you open windows.

*******************

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy "Hey, where am I? To this, the solitary office worker replies "You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.

The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just a while away."

******************* This one is my favourite - couldn't stop laughing when I first heard it:


A young boy dreamt all his childhood life of becoming a great writer. He wanted to make his readers feel the true emotions of the writing - he wanted the whole world to read his writing, he wanted them to fall to the ground and cry, to scream in terror and pain, and to howl in anger!

He now works for microsoft writing error messages!

eef2
16-08-2003, 06:38 PM
Powerdesk (Mijenix - a swedish firm) is good. Makes a great change from Windoze Explorer.
I don't know, I just get a little fed up with big corporations who make their money - not on the superiority of their product - but by better marketing and "built in depreciation".
Furthermore, Microsoft wasn't first out with windows - Apple was.
No-one arrested Mico$oft for that theft.