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Kiwitas
23-08-2002, 08:09 PM
I know not everyone at PressF1 are "completely" computer orientated,
and hope you sports fans get a giggle from this one?

To prepare for the rugby

And in the spirit of the game ........

A New Zealander, an Australian and a South African are sharing a beer in a
bar in Auckland one Friday night, on the eve of a crucial Tri Nations rugby
match.

All of a sudden the South African downs his beer, throws his glass in the
air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He announces with
patriotic fervour: "In Sath Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't
need to drink from the same one twice."

The Aussie, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass
into the air, pulls out his gun and
shoots the glass to pieces. "Well mate," he says. "In 'Straaaaailia we
have so much sand to make the
glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."

They both turn and look at the New Zealand man. The Kiwi, cool as a
cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air,
pulls out his gun, and shoots the South African and the Australian.
"In Auckland," he says, "we have so many smartass South Africans and
Australians that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice!!!"

Cheers,Kiwitas,;-)

Mike
23-08-2002, 09:13 PM
> I know not everyone at PressF1 are "completely"
> computer orientated,
> and hope you sports fans get a giggle from this one?

> <snip>

> pulls out his gun, and shoots the South African and
> the Australian.
> "In Auckland," he says, "we have so many smartass
> South Africans and
> Australians that we don't need to drink with the same
> ones twice!!!"

sure we may not be completely computer oriented, and some might be sports fans... but surely the South African's might take offence to that? (stuff the Aussies :))

Mike. :D

Steve Askew
24-08-2002, 08:50 PM
Another Rugby joke.

On his recent tour of New Zealand, the Pope took a couple of days out of
his itinerary for an impromptu visit to the wild outdoors of the far North
of New Zealand.
Way up on desolate Ninety Mile beach, near the mouth of the Te Paki Stream,
safe in his 4X4 Pope-mobile, his entourage came upon an enormous commotion
in the water.
They rushed to see what it was about and upon approaching the scene the
Pope noticed a hapless man in the surf wearing a Wallabys rugby jersey,
struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a sixteen foot
shark.
Almost immediately a speedboat containing three men wearing All Black
jerseys roared into view from beyond the surf line. One of the men took
aim and fired a harpoon into the sharks head, immobilising it instantly.
The other two reached down and pulled the Aussie from the water and using
long clubs, finished the shark off.
They bundled the bleeding, semi conscious man into the speedboat along with
the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard
frantic shouting from the shore.
It was of course the Pope. He summoned them to the beach.
When they reached the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and
said: "I give you my best Papal blessing for your brave actions. I had
heard that there is a racist xenophobic divide between Australia & New
Zealand, but, now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true.
I can see that your societies are true examples of racial harmony and could
serve as a model on which other nations could follow." He blessed them all
and drove off in a cloud of dust.
As he departed, the harpoonist turned the other Kiwis and asked: 'Who the
bloody hell was that???!"
"That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact
with God and has access to all God's wisdom."
"Well," the harpoonist replied, "he knows bugger all about shark fishing!"
"Now - how's that bait holding up, or do we need to get another one?"

Susan B
24-08-2002, 09:23 PM
Make it number three for luck...

Wiremu, a New Zealander, landed at Heathrow to watch the All Blacks and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor. "Hey doc, I don't feel so good, ey" said Wiremu. The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that he had prostate problems, and that the only cure was testicular removal.

"No way doc" replied Wiremu "I'm gitting a sicond opinion ey!"

The second Pommy doctor gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also advised him that testicular removal was the only cure. Not surprisingly, Wiremu refused the treatment.

Wiremu was devastated but, with only hours to go before the All Blacks opening game he found an expat Kiwi doctor and decided to get one last opinion from someone he could trust.

The Kiwi doctor examined him and said "Wiremu, you huv prostate suckness ey".

"What's the cure thin doc ey?" asked Wiremu hoping for a different answer.

"Wull, Wiremu", said the Kiwi doctor "Wi're gonna huv to cut off your balls."

"Phew, thunk god for thut!" said Wiremu, "those Pommy bastards wanted to take my test tickets off me!"

Kiwitas
24-08-2002, 10:17 PM
Susan B,You are racist!

You better hope Mike doesn't read this thread again!I :x it

Cheers,Kiwitas,;-)