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Billy T
03-09-2012, 12:35 PM
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THE TOP TEN THINGS THAT ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

10. Cats' facial expressions.

9. The need to buy the same style of shoes in seven different colours.

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.

7. Fat clothes

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.

5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.

4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.

3. Eyelash curlers.

2. The inaccuracy of every set of bathroom scales ever made.

....And the Number One thing only women understand:

OTHER WOMEN

*********************************


After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while ... then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks ... "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.

She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely ... What about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down, and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.


*********************************

He said - she said

He said to her ....... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said to him .....You wear pants don't you?

----oOo----

He said to her ........Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said to him ......That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa scratching
my fanny, watching TV and farting.

----oOo----

He said to her.........What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said to him ......Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

----oOo----

He said to her.........Why don't women blink during foreplay?

She said to him ......They don't have time.

----oOo----

He said to her.........How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

She said to him.......I don't know; it has never happened.

----oOo----

He said to her.........What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

She said to him.......A widow.

----oOo----

He said to her........Why are married women heavier than single women?

She said to him......Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

----oOo----

She said to him......Why is it so difficult to find men who are well dressed, sensitive, caring and good-looking?

He said to her........They already have boyfriends.

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Do You Know ???

How 'piggy banks' got their name?

No?

Well I'll tell you: Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of a dense orange clay called "pygg".

When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as "pygg banks."

When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a bank that resembled a pig, and it caught on.

Truly, I'm not telling porkies, this little tale is founded in fact. :p


Cheers

Billy 8-{) :)

Nick G
03-09-2012, 12:57 PM
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After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while ... then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks ... "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.

She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely ... What about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down, and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.


*********************************



Billy 8-{) :)
Love it :thumbs: :D

lordnoddy
03-09-2012, 01:35 PM
YAY! Monday! Thanks Billy.

Gobe1
03-09-2012, 01:43 PM
haha awesome thanks billy

Bobh
03-09-2012, 02:19 PM
Good laughs there, thanks.

WalOne
03-09-2012, 03:31 PM
:thanks Billy!

ChazTheGeek
04-09-2012, 12:52 PM
Ha ha..:D

johcar
05-09-2012, 12:34 PM
A tough looking group of bikers were out riding when they saw a woman about to jump off a bridge,........ so they stopped and parked their Harleys.

Their leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity either, so he asked her... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So she does...

And it was a long, deep, lingering, spine-tingling kiss.

After she's finished, the biker leader says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I've ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why in the world would you want to commit suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl........"






The authorities think she may have been pushed.